So tell me, how many of you out there have someone in your family who KNOWS EVERYTHING ? Don't lie, you know you do and you know who they are and you also know how it drives you crazy. They are the person who will answer everyones questions immediately even though they do NOT know the right answer. They give you an answer with such authority that you think, "OK, I guess they're right."
NOT !!!!!!! They just like to think they know it all. They also think they are being helpful in giving you an answer even though it may or may not be the correct answer.
Today's instance . . . I am going out to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions because I am feeling like CRAP. As I walk out the door The Man says, with upmost authority, "Would you stop and pick up some pasties, (pronounced Pass tee), from Saint Anthony Church." (A pasty is a bland mix of potatoes and puree of beef, possibly with other veggies added in and then baked in a wonderful pastry shell. They have NO seasoning of any kind and are dry as a bone but the folks of the UP LOVE them. I love the pastry shell but the contents are like eating styrofoam. Blaugh ! There is a church in Escanaba that does pastie fund raisers 3 times a year. The Man raves about these pasties and can't wait till the sales. A couple of weeks ago we saw there was a sale coming up so The Man had me place an order for a DOZEN of these nasty things to be picked up on FRIDAY. "We can freeze them" says The Man. Oh Joy ! Lucky lucky me! But he loves them, I tolerate them and I just keep my mouth shut and go along with it.
Back to today . . . Today is NOT Friday! Today is THURSDAY. The pastie sale begins today and continues tomorrow. I know our order is for tomorrow and The Man knows our order is for tomorrow but because he knows everything this is what happened.
The Man's grand daughter is leaving tomorrow and she too loves pasties. I bought some at the grocery store this morning because the girl wanted to have pasties for dinner tonight. (We have not sat down to dinner with her all week. She has been out. She will not be home for dinner tonight but The Man wants her to have the pasties available so she can eat them when ever she is here. OK, this morning I drive to the grocery store in Manistique while The Man is in rehab and I buy pasties for dinner. We bring them home at 12:30 and grand daughter and her younger sister are both here. Little sister agrees with me that Pasties are nasty. Big sister has her pastie for lunch and then she and little sister are heading into town to go to the fair. Little sister will presumably be dropped at home before big sister returns here some time during the early hours of the morning. And this is where Mr. Knows it all comes in.
As the girls are leaving The Man says to grand daughter #1, "Would you like some pasties to take back to Detroit with you?" (A lovely thought but I know what's coming). Naturally, like any young person she says "SURE!" (Hell, grandpa is buying, she isn't stupid) The Man then turns to me and says, "On your way home from the pharmacy would you mind stopping by at St. Anthony's and picking up a half dozen pasties? And while you are there get them to give you our order so we don't have to go tomorrow."
#1. Did I mention I feel like crap ? I just want to get my meds, come home and lie down.
# 2. I don't think you can just stop in and buy pasties. I think you have to order them. BUT, when I ask this question I am told in no uncertain terms, "Of course you can buy them!!!!!" OK, what do I know. but in my heart I DO know that he is probably just saying this with nothing to back it up. I also know that they will not have our order ready for today because it is NOT FRIDAY !!!!! I say NOTHING!
#3. I don't know where the church is. So I ask. I am told that St. Anthonys is on such and such a street. "Very Easy to find !" Meanwhile I seem to remember the text that was sent to me about picking up my order. They made a point of saying pick-up would be at St. Thomas church. I check my message and sure enough, St. Thomas, NOT St. Anthony. I get a poo poo from the Man like I am correcting him just to annoy him. Meanwhile St. Anthony church is all the way on the other side of town and THAT is where he was sending me. (Did I mention I am feeling like crap?)
Off I go into town, (20 minutes away), get my meds and take one right then and there in the car. Then I punch St. THOMAS church into my phone and I'm on my way. Knowing in my heart I will NOT be picking up pasties. Sure enough, I get to the church, walk in and the lady at the table asks if I have put in an order. I tell her I have an order in for pick up tomorrow, can I get them today? (Feeling like a total idiot. I hate being that person who thinks "rules" don't apply to them.) Do you care to guess what the very nice lady told me ????? "Come back tomorrow" Can I buy 4 pasties today? "NOPE". All pasties are preordered.
As I get back into the car I am already composing this blog in my head. This is only one of hundreds of examples of The Man KNOWING FOR SURE that something he says is ABSOLUTELY AND POSITIVELY and MOST ASSUREDLY TRUE.
To which I say, BULL POOPIES !!!!!
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