Yesterday I was going to write about "Talking To My Shoe" because it is getting more and more frustrating trying to talk with The Man. My friend Theresa and I decided that wives need to wear "body cams" like the police so that every conversation we have with our husbands can be recorded with sound and video. There is nothing more frustrating than having a conversation with your spouse that he does not remember twenty-seconds later. When you try to tell them you DID discuss what ever with them they swear you never told them anything. We wives need PROOF!!! I think this is a loosing battle because talking with The Man is like talking to my shoe.
But that was yesterdays issue. Today is a whole other day ! A whole other frustration !
Traveling back and forth between Florida and Michigan is problematic for The Man. I understand the oxygen issues. We HAVE to carry all sorts of supplies with us. I understand the medication issues. We both have to carry all our medications with us. What I DO NOT understand is the wardrobe issue that seems to plague The Man. It is really quite simple when you think about it. We have "PERMANENT" housing in both places. The Man owns the farm in Michigan. He has lived there for the past 30 years. The house has rooms FULL of stuff, including his clothing that ranges from winter in Alaska to summer in Michigan, (which can sometimes be quite similar). The Man has more clothes than I do and that is hard to imagine.
Early on in this mobile relationship I figured out I needed to have 2 separate wardrobes. Clothes to leave in Michigan and clothes that stay in Florida. I have a minimal assortment of both cold and warm weather items in both locations. (I will say that my MI wardrobe is expanding each year because the weather up there is so unpredictable.) When we travel we both wear comfy sweat pants and loose tee shirts to maximize our comfort for all the hours in the car. When we arrive at our destinations MY "travel clothes" get put in a suitcase where they remain until we get ready to make the journey once again. I also have a "bathroom bag" that remains packed with toothpaste, tooth brush, hair brush, deodorant etc. The bathroom bag gets put into that same suitcase that contains the travel clothes. Other than changes of underwear and socks I don't need to think about packing anything. (But if that REALLY were the case why is the car always packed to the roof with stuff ?)
ANYWAY . . .That is how I manage MY wardrobes. You Know Who has a whole different take on this issue. With all the clothes that The Man has at the farm he always wears the same 5 shirts. It is those 5 shirts that travel back and forth with us. Same with the 2 pair of shoes, his 2 pair of slippers, one pair of jeans, one pair of shorts and one belt. He packs up his toothbrush and tooth paste, razor and comb because Heaven forbid he would use one of the forty three thousand tooth brushes or combs that are in the cabinet at the farm. I keep trying to tell him he could leave clothes in Florida so he wouldn't have to pack each time but that idea never takes root. I have given up on that issue.
With all the packing and unpacking going on in the poor mans life is it any wonder he would forget SOMETHING ? (I WILL NOT pack for him. NO NO NO !!!!!). We have been back in Florida for just over a month now so I am surprised it has taken The Man this long to realize his pants are falling down. But then, he lives in workout shorts when he is here so there is no need for a belt. It wasn't until one of our trips to a doctor last. week that it suddenly dawned on The Man that he had no belt to hold up his pants. Of course I was immediately notified of this crisis because I think he expected me to produce the missing belt out of thin air or possibly out of my butt. What ever he thought it wasn't happening because the key to this issue is HIS belt, not mine, so HE has to deal with it. (May sound cruel but I have found that the more I do the more he expects. I did learn that lesson with Husband but I apparently forgot!)
The search for the belt has been ongoing for a week now. There are only so many places the belt could be and he looked in all 3 of them at least five hundred times. Each time there was a running narrative as to where he was looking and WHY isn't the belt there ? Today I had enough and caved in. I went on Amazon and looked for mens belts. HA. !!!
FIRST comment from The Man was . . . $15 for a BELT !!!!!!!!!! Who pays $15 for a belt ???? (Apparently a lot of people because that was one of the cheapest belts on there. ) We continued to search until he found one for $9.98 !!!! That was the one for him. (Never mind that is probably made of recycled spinach, the price is right.)
Now comes the fun part . . . WHAT SIZE ? We have had the discussion of his waist size for the past couple of weeks. Along with the belt The Man brought with him a pair of shorts that are at least three hundred years old, frayed beyond belief and rattier than a drowned rat in a mud puddle. But these are his favorite shorts. (He has at least 3 other pair which I have bought for him over the years. They are all the same color and style as the ratty pair but he refuses to wear them.). Last week I was going shopping so I asked him if he wanted me to buy him yet another pair of shorts and if so WHAT SIZE waist ??? He told me 32 inches. Now The Man is not fat by any means but he also is no longer 40 years old. We women know how things tend to sag and settle as we age. The Man has apparently not looked in a mirror in the past 40 years so he still thinks that because his weight stays the same he still has the same body. I suggested I get out the tape measure to see exactly what IT said just to make sure before we invest ALL that money in a belt. He was in the middle of muttering that HE KNOWS what size waist he has when his phone rang so as he stood talking I wrapped the tape measure around him and came up with 37 inches. (Do your math . . . 5 inch difference.)
Naturally when he got off the phone he had forgotten what we had been talking about so I handed him the tape measure and suggested HE measure his own waist. I got push back on that idea until I told him I HAD measured his waist but I thought he should do it himself. He asked what number I got and when I told him thirty seven inches he reacted EXACTLY how I expected.
"NO !!!!! IMPOSSIBLE !!! YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG !!!!! IT CAN'T BE !!!!!!"
The Man took the tape measure, wrapped it around his belly and said . . . NOTHING ! . . . HUM ??? Why ever would he not say anything ??? Being the very smart lady that I am I too said nothing. I did say that he really didn't need an exact measure because belts were made to go between a range of inches. As in Small might be 28-32 inches. Medium might be 32-36 inches and so on.
We ordered the MEDIUM . . . Sure hope it fits !
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