Florida is a weird state at times. Lost spouses are a specialty down here. They are often reported as lost on a huge sign flashing over the six lanes of the highway.
Oh, did you think I meant "LOST" as in deceased? Sorry, I'm talking lost as in among the missing. I personally hate the term "lost" when referring to a person who has died, as in, "I lost my husband last year." Well why the hell have you waited so long to look for him??? I'm preparing a list of responses for anyone who tells me they are, So sorry for my loss. I could say things like, "HUH? Did I loose something? or I'm not lost, are you? or OH MY GOD, did they loose my husband's body?"
The word lost means missing, misappeared (as Smith would say), gone from your sight . . . When a person dies they are NOT lost. Sure they are gone but we usually know where to find their bodily remains. Lost is when you have no idea where they are. I realize that does happen on occasion but for the most part we usually do know exactly where they are because we have chosen to put them there. As for their soul, well that's a whole other blog.
So back to being LOST in Florida. I was out the other day driving like a true Florida maniac doing 80 on I 95 when I saw the over head traffic sign flashing that old familiar message, SILVER ALERT.
Translation: some poor old senior citizen has escaped in his/her car and the family is in a panic to find them. Personally I would just let them go and see where then wind up. That would really be much more interesting. In fact it could be the premise of a new reality show. Go to the dementia ward of the local nursing home and leave a set of car keys on someones night stand with a picture of the car that the keys go to. Sit back and see what happens. Then again the poor old soul probably wouldn't know what to do with the keys. Maybe it would work better with a teenager finding the keys and picture in their high school locker. It has possibilities.
Also, the Silver Alert signs need to get more creative. Listing the make, model and plate number just isn't enough. I want to know if I'm looking for a male or female. What color hair, how old and where are they from and where do you think they may be going. And give me their name so that if I should find them I can pull up and yell, "Hey Irving, Your wife is looking for you. Pull over!" Maybe they have a good reason to want to go missing. I could take them for a cup of coffee and we could discuss our options before alerting the authorities.
And have you noticed the "missing" persons alerts are always colors. AMBER, SILVER, even though I know Amber was a child's name it is a color. Maybe we could have Brown Alert for missing dogs and cats, Green Alert for missing Girl and Boy scouts, Purple or Red Alert for missing priest and cardinals. It could just go on and on. But we are talking Florida so I guess SILVER is about the only color that covers 90% of the population.
I sure hope H behaves himself because I wouldn't want to loose him before he dies.
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