INDEPENDENT OR STUBBORN ????

 Thanks to my mom I am a VERY "independent" woman.  The word "independent" is my mother's word not mine. I always remember my mom telling me I needed to be Independent and that if she taught me nothing else in life I would be able to get things done on my own.  

To tell you she failed miserably in this mission is an understatement. I went away to college not knowing the first thing about surviving on my own in the real world. I didn't know the first thing about money, how to write a check or how to live within my means. I didn't even HAVE "means".  I never really worked while in high school and any babysitting money I made disappeared mysteriously into bank accounts that my mom set up for me. Hell, I didn't know what a bank account was or how much money was in it or what I was supposed to do with it.  I have no recollection of learning about bank accounts or savings. I vaguely remember getting an allowance which I'm sure I spent on candy.  College was a HUGE shock when it came to living independently. (I lived my first 2 years in a dorm following the girls around me to class and to the cafeteria. I was a sheep.)

I really didn't wake up to the real world until I got a job and got married.  Up to that point life was a party that mom and dad funded, God Love them ! They meant well but it really did nothing to prepare me for life. 

Enter Husband and I SLOWLY began to see there were certain responsibilities that came with job, relationships and life.  Actually, marriage was the dawning of "The Beast' within and my independent spirit flared up into what it is today.   Good old mom did plant some seeds in me and all it took was some maturity to see the seeds grow.  

Today those seeds have grown into a freaking forest !  I am so damn independent I drive every one around me nuts because my mantra is, "No thanks, I've got it!".  I NEED/WANT to do everything BY MY SELF !  When I am presented with a challenge my first instinct is to try everything before ever asking for help. As I explained to The Man as I was dragging a full laundry basket across the floor using the hook on the end of my Ikea shoe horn, "Necessity is the mother of invention".  God love him, The Man did not get angry at me because I wasn't asking him for help. He "gets it" and finds great amusement in my creativity. Because he has such sever COPD he can't be lifting and carrying so between us we manage quite well.  

So is that being independent OR stubborn ?  Are the two things the same ? Husband would tell you I was a pain in the ass and couldn't/wouldn't ever ask for help with anything. The Man is well aware of this but handles it much differently than Husband ever did so hopefully I am more aware of his need to be needed and to help than I ever was with Husband. (All I can tell you is that The Man never uses sarcasm with me and it seems to work.)

If ever there were a time to test the limits of stubbornness and stupidity it is when I am "under the weather". From the moment I wake up in a recovery room after any sort of hospital stay I immediately sense that I am on my own. (This is probably a learned instinct after living with Husband for many years. That man couldn't boil water. AND since we are discussing stubborn Husband HATED to be "told" what to do, as in "The milk is in the fridge which is in the kitchen and the glasses are in the top right cabinet, could you please bring me a glass of milk ?"  To simply ask for a glass of milk would have gotten me nowhere. It REALLY was that bad!)

So now we are dealing with this self made "independent" woman who just does not know how to ask for help. But I am learning ! Even at 75 I can still learn something. Between Velcro and only having one functioning arm I have HAD to ask for help during the past two weeks. The Man has helped me dress, he has cut up food on my plate for me, not to mention that he has cooked for me.  All very novel and difficult experiences for this independent/stubborn woman.  

We are managing rather well as we enter into week number three and I am hoping I don't scare off The Man before we get through this adventure,  I figure if we could both survive Velcro we have it made. Now if only I could get my boobs to cooperate I would be in fantastic shape.  But that is a whole another story entirely !