VELCRO IS EVIL !! It has been sent to humankind to weed out the faint of heart and test your degree of patience. (And all these years I thought that was why God created Man.) Who the hell ever came up with this brilliant idea? I really must research that and then send the inventor a nasty note stuck together with Velcro! We have come a long way from wrapping furs around us and tying them with a vine but I do think we were doing just fine with the invention of zippers, snaps and buttons. We really did NOT need to go the extra step into the vividly, vexing world of Velcro.
There are apparently different degrees of this evil material. I DO love the nice soft sticky stuff that holds a baby's diaper together. Or the velcro on my purse that gives me the opportunity to keep things from falling out when I drop it out of the car in the parking lot. But when the company who mades slings for people with arm and shoulder injuries decided they needed Velcro to hold everything in place they must have contracted the Lunar Landing Module company to manufacture a fabric that will adhere to ANYTHING and NEVER, EVER let go.
As I mentioned in my previous blogs this whole living with one arm thing is getting mighty old mighty fast. (I just keep reminding myself of all those people in the world who don't HAVE two arms and that helps me cope with this temporary challenge.) The joke is that you wake up in the hospital with your arm already in a sling. During the 24 hours that you are "recovering" in the hospital a perky little young thing bounces into your room with a large black thing that is fitted with straps and clips and belts and lots and lots of Velcro. (Fifty Shades of Grey should have included one of these things in their "play room".) Little Miss Perky informs you of the fact that you will now take off the temporary sling and replace it with The THING she is carrying. O.K. so this is how it works, I can deal with a little change. Thankfully I still have an active block on the nerves in my arm so removing and replacing slings is not painful. What it IS is . . . COMPLICATED !! Step # 1 slide arm into "cradle" part of sling. Step # 2 place the first large black belt that is hanging from the bottom of the cradle around your waist, but not really at your waist, more up by your ribs. Step # 3 Insert clip dangling from the end of the large black belt in the clasp on the base of the cradle. Step # 4 position the "Bumper" that sits between your side and the sling so that it is in just the right spot to keep your arm in the proper position. Step # 5 Grab the large black strap that is already attached to the sling at both ends, pull it up and over your head so your "good" shoulder is now supporting the weight of your "bad" arm. (I believe this is all a ploy for the doctor to create a problem in your "good" shoulder so that he will stay in business by having repeat customers.) And FINALLY Step #6 place the two small straps strategically on the front and top of the sling to keep your arm from sliding up or forward out of the cradle.
With the exception of thee two buckles holding the straps on the one end of the sling ALL the other adjustments in length and comfort are made by yanking off the velcro and readjusting the strap. And when I say YANK I am not kidding. This velcro sticks SO tight you need a hammer, chisel and twenty elephants to pull it apart. I am standing there yanking and pulling until it lets go with a rrrrriiiiiiiippppp and swings out of my hand only to attach itself to the nearest available object. Thank God we don't have a cat !!!!! I have pulled the damn velcro off only to have it whip around and reconnect to one of the other straps. When I pull that one off the two straps go flying and attach to my shirt.
It truly is a comedy act fit for Abbot and Costello !
The Man is so used to the sound of Rrrrriiiiiiipppppp forty seven times an hour that he thinks he has a hearing condition. The best is at night when we first go to bed and I am trying to get comfortable. I think I have everything adjusted until I lay down and find I am being choked to death. Rrrrriiiiiiippppp . . . After about the fifth time of that The Man cautiously asks, "Can I help you?" Which he really can't because it is a matter of comfort and I am the only one who can decide what is comfortable.
As if all this isn't enough I have to tell you that the ends of all the straps where the velcro is are made of a very hard plastic material that could probably be used to cut cement. So not only do I have to adjust the length of the strap just right I have to align the ends of the velcro perfectly so they are not hanging off either side and scratching me all night.
It's an adventure !!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment