WAKE UP ! YOUR TOE IS RINGING !!!!

I have been "awake" since six this morning.  Well, sort of awake.  I got up to pee at six and never really got back to sleep. Instead I drifted in and out of sleep while my brain composed different blogs that I could write today.  Some titles included, "Power Points of Prayer" (That one may have put you all to sleep),  

"I have a Zit", (I have no idea where that one was going but since I DO have a zit at 75 years old I thought it might be a good start for a blog.) 

"Drugs, Sex and Rock and Roll", (a blast from the 60's) 

And this most recent event, "I Think I swallowed My Battery"

I can't remember the other forty ideas that played through my head during my two and a half hours of sloppy sleep early this morning and I would probably still be flopping around trying to get comfortable except my big toe started ringing.

Yes,  I said my big toe was RINGING !   Well, actually it did not make any noise but it felt exactly like my phone does when I have it on vibrate when someone calls. In my half stupor of "sleep" this morning I first thought I had fallen asleep last night with my phone next to me and it had gotten down to the bottom of the bed where it was resting on my toe.  But that was not the case at all.  The ringing, (vibrating) or to be exact the tingling was coming from my big toe. 

I will take a moment to back up a bit and return to the blog I posted two or three weeks ago talking about the pain in my leg.  I haven't written any more on that topic because although I did not die I have, at several times, wished I was dead . . . just so the pain would stop.  Not really, I NEVER wish I was dead even in the worst of pain but I DO pray like crazy for relief and thankfully God ALWAYS answer my prayers one way or another.  (Did you know you can offer up your pain to God for the poor souls in Purgatory?  You can and I always do but that goes into the "Power Points of Prayer" blog that I will hopefully write one day soon. I'll warn you ahead of time so you can bring your pillow.)

Back to the leg pain . . .   I went to the walk in medical, I had an x-ray of my knee, I took steroids for five days, I returned to the walk in and got different pills and I went to the chiropractor.  All that held the pain at bay long enough, (and here I give total credit to the Lord), for us to go camping last week for four days and three nights at the beautiful Lake Goegebic about three hours from here. During that time my leg was fine and even with sleeping in the RV on fold out beds I slept fantastic and felt wonderful.  BUT . . . when we got back my leg kicked back into hyper drive. The pain comes and goes and is usually manageable and once I find that comfortable spot in the bed I can sleep all night.  So I guess that wasn't enough for Satan or who ever is playing with me because I then started to loose all ability to bend my right foot at the ankle, toes to nose. That charming addition would also come and go, usually proceeded by the pain shooting down my leg and across my foot.  I am told this is called, "Drop Foot" and I DO NOT L IKE IT !!!   I stumbled around here walking like Quasimodo dragging my leg/foot behind me.  It was not pretty or fun and I almost killed myself several times tripping on my dragging foot.  The best was when it happened while I was driving.  Ever try to move a dead foot from the gas to the brake ?   I don't suggest it !

SO . . . with this pleasant little "complication" and one evening of pain so severe I was begging God to make it stop, which he did after about ten minutes. (Sometimes you just have to get his attention and let him know you are serious and then be patient.) I called my friend Theresa who is the smartest person I know when it comes to muscles and nerves.  She walked my brain through different possibilities and although we did not come up with a total diagnosis we did come up with a couple of possibilities, all of which involved further doctor visits.  But she put my mind at ease and really really helped me to get a handle on all this.  

One of the possibilities, which I am leaning toward only because it is the "simple" explanation, is that my sciatic nerve is acting up. It fits all the profiles and because I had a short bout of sciatic pain last winter while in Florida I am thinking this is the problem.

Yesterday I went to the Michigan Chiropractor, Kevin and we went over all the symptoms which he also thought were pointing toward sciatica. I felt really good when I left there and my foot didn't drop once until last night just before I went to bed.  

Then at 8:15 this morning my toe started ringing !   It must have been the chiropractor calling to tell me to come back in tomorrow morning for another adjustment.    

JUNKIEST JUNK DRAWER EVER

I realize that the fact that a "junk Drawer" is called a junk drawer is because it contains . . .  well . . . 

JUNK !  All that stuff that you just don't know where to put it or are too lazy to put away gets shoved into the "Junk Drawer".    I don't think I know of a single person who does NOT have a junk drawer but I'm sure you are out there some where.  The circle of friends that I hang with usually have a "Junk Room" as opposed to only a drawer and that is just as it should be.  People who don't have clutter of some sort stashed somewhere in their home are not to be trusted.  Those are the sort of persons who toss away EVERYTHING that is non essential and to me that is not a good trait.  You NEED some crap in your life to keep you honest and humble. 

BUT . . .   NEVER in my life have I encountered a junk drawer the likes of the one in The Man's kitchen.  

If you have read any of my previous blogs you know that The Man keep EVERY THING !!!!!  The entire property, (not just the house but the large, multi room garage) is filled with STUFF.  We can blame it on his wife and her penchant for "collecting" but since she is deceased well over nine years you really would have thought The Man would have gotten rid of some of the stuff that fills the property. (After all, this is The Man who built an in-ground pool and then filled it back in only four years later because it was too much work.  I guess the clutter that abounds in this place does not require any maintenance so therefor it just remains.  If it were alive and required feeding or walking it probably would have been gone years ago.)

I have finally begun to get The Man cleaning out some stuff but it is a SLOW and PAINFUL process.  I need to choose my timing and enthusiasm very carefully. One of the BIG things I am itching to attack are the drawers and cabinets in the kitchen. The kitchen is very very small but has numerous cabinets and drawers ALL filled to overflowing.  The other day I asked if we could go through one drawer that contains all sorts of things like forty two Mellon ballers of varying sizes, at least three ice cream scoops, spatulas and serving spoons up the wazoooooooo.  Seeing how there are only the two of us here and we do NOT cook massive intricate meals I really don't think we need much more than one spatula and one ice cream scoop.  I can't remember the last time I "balled a melon".  When I do cook I REALLY would like to be able to open a drawer, reach into it and see exactly what I wanted without a fifteen minute treasure hunt. 

You would have thought I had asked to rip out his heart . . .  The Man couldn't speak clearly because he was so horrified that I wanted to "get rid" of anything in the precious kitchen drawer.  His immediate answer was, "What if DJ needs some of the stuff in there?" (DJ is The Man's son who lives thirty five hundred miles away in Alaska. DJ has owned his own home for well over twenty five years so I seriously doubt there could be anything in that drawer that "The Boy" would want. ) I explained that I was NOT going to throw anything away, just put all the things we don't use into a box to make some room in the drawer.  It was a NO GO . . . and that drawer remains as jammed packed as it did when I first came here four years ago. 

NEXT on my list of "itchy finger projects" is the "Junk Drawer" which resides in the same tiny kitchen and is filled with . . .   you guessed it . . .  JUNK !!!!!!   But little did I realize just how junkie the junk draw was.  There are only two things that I was aware of residing in this swamp of a drawer.  A pair of scissors and the propane lighter that we use for the fire pit. Those two items sit in the very front of the junk drawer and are the only two things that have seen the light of day in the past three centuries.  I had NO idea what else was residing in there until today.  

I must confess I have been plotting my attack for several weeks now.  I lay awake at night thinking about how and when I will get cleaning out that drawer.  I have seriously thought about getting up in the middle of the night and attacking while the man is sleeping but that is just too devious even for me.  And so today when The Man was sitting at the kitchen table talking to a doctor on the phone I casually opened the drawer and began to take out a few items.  I was very nonchalant hoping The Man would not realize what I was doing but he seems to have an uncanny ability to tell when I am cleaning anything. I could see he was watching my every move and when I had removed about five things he began waving his arms and shaking his head to tell me to stop.  I smiled and waved back and continued to remove a few more things.  

I managed to clear out about three inches from the front of the drawer before I stopped . . . I could tell he was not happy with me and didn't want him to have a stroke while on the phone.  

Here's what I found in that small space at the very front of that drawer . . . in addition to the two items I already mentioned there were a large assortment of nails and screws, several rubber bands and hair clips, some chip clips, three screw drivers, a box of pellets for a pellet gun, two light switches, a couple of boxes of matches with about three matches in each, some old cough drops, a couple of dried up ball point pens, three big old keys AND  . . . a half smoked cigarette.  

I held up the cigarette with a questioning look on my face and he had no response other than the obvious, "I don't know where THAT came from".  

I was allowed to throw out the cigarette but all the other things were put in a plastic bag and set on the kitchen table so he can go through them at a later date to make sure he knows what's in the bag in case he needs any of it !   

And you wonder why I drink !

ON VACATION

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days . . .   we went camping !

Normally The Man and I would be in Alaska for most of the summer but thanks to Covid 19 we can not drive through Canada because the Canadians have very wisely closed their borders to all Americans.  When the US tries to do something like that we are criticized for being racist as opposed to being smart. 

Canada seems to have a lot more sense than the US !   Maybe we should pay more attention to them.

Anyway . . .   can't drive to Alaska without going through Canada so here we are, stuck in the U S of A for the summer.  Not such a bad thing actually except for the fact that there seem to be a LOT more idiots in the US that are spreading the Corona Virus rather than wearing masks and social distancing.  That being said we just returned from 3 wonderful days of camping in a Michigan State Park where we DID indeed wear masks when in public places !

The Man's brother and sister-in-law invited us to join them and one other couple to camp at Lake Gogebic in the northwestern part of the Upper Peninsula.  It is a state park and very well maintained. The campsites were HUGE so social distancing was no problem at all.  The only time I needed my mask was when we checked in at the ranger station and when I used the public rest room and shower.  The Man never used either of these things because of his need to be on oxygen 24/7. He took care of all his needs right in our little RV.  Each morning we walked to the next site where Dean and Lisa were camping and spent the morning with them. Our site was right on the waters edge so all of us went swimming in the lake each day while The Man stayed on shore and "held down the fort". There was a nap every afternoon and then back to their campsite for dinner and drinks each afternoon and evening. 

The days were warm and sunny with a cool breeze blowing in off the lake. By evening it was down right chilly sitting out so we headed back to our RV by 8 each evening and relaxed watching TV until we fell asleep around 11:00.  The second night we were there both The Man and I slept eleven hours !!!!!  Talk about comfortable and relaxed !  

Not only were we comfortable and relaxed, the other two couples did all the cooking.  The first night we had "Christmas Dinner" of spiral ham, cheesy potatoes and fresh picked string beans all cooked on an open fire. The we exchanged Christmas gifts from under the Christmas Tree that Lisa brought while listening to Christmas carols, all in the glow of Christmas lights that were strung across the camp site.  I'm sure the neighboring campers thought we had lost our minds but it was so much fun ! 

The second dinner provided by chef Dave and his wife Debbie were three roast chickens that had been seasoned the prior evening and then slow cooked over the open fire. Dave has this contraption that is a metal box mounted on a pole that is stuck in the ground on the edge of the fire pit.  The box swivels around and can be raised and lowered depending on the heat being produced by the fire.  He puts the meat on a grill and then covers it with the metal box so the meat slow cooks. In the case of the ham he put that in a roasting pan which sat on the grill under the box and it all cooks just like a regular oven.  It's quite ingenious and works wonderfully.  I don't think I have ever eaten this good while camping.  

I think the Girl Scouts could take some lessons from Dave. 

So after all this eating and relaxing The Man and I are back once again to the homestead in Gladstone and ready to get back into doing nothing here. It was a fantastic couple of days and I loved the relaxation and companionship of the others.  The Man did great managing his oxygen and the little walk between camp sites.  It was a good change of scenery but he is glad to be back home where he feels more secure with his back up oxygen supplies.  I can't imaging what it must be like for him so I give him a lot of credit for taking this adventure.  

The only one problem was The Man did NOTHING worth writing about !!!  Sorry about that.  No blogs compliments of The Man's actions.   But we're home now so just give me a day or two and I'm sure I'll be writing full time !

ANIMAL PLANET

I am sitting out in the yard at The Man's house and I feel like I am in a National Geographic special.
This is one of the most serene and beautiful places I have ever spent time and if it wasn't for the occasional bitting fly it would be one step this side of Paradise.

Florida is paradise but in a different sort of way and NEVER in the summer months. I have to admit I am NOT missing my "home" state in the least this summer. In fact I probably won't even think about returning there until the first snow arrives in Northern Michigan around August 21st.   Just kidding, it probably won't snow until at least October.

But back to what I am experiencing sitting out here this afternoon.  First off it is about 74 degrees, breeze blowing in off Lake Michigan which is about 2 miles away.  The sun is strong when you are out in the sunshine but sitting here under the big Maple tree it is almost cool.

We have spent the day packing up the RV for a 3 night / 4 day camping trip to a lake about 3 hours away from here in the North Western part of the Upper Peninsula.  We will leave tomorrow around noon and get to Goegobic State Park around 3 in the afternoon.  We will meet up with The Man's brother and sister-in-law and another couple for some chill days of relaxation, good food and plenty of drinks.

Normally we would be in Alaska right now but the Canadians still have the borders closed to us crazy Americans. (Can't say as I blame them! I also heard the Bahamas are shut down to Americans. Smart Countries!). We had all intentions of driving to Alaska again in the RV like we did last year but when that washed out we decided to take Dean and Lisa up on their invitation to camp at the park with them.  Fortunately we were able to get a spot for the 3 nights so we are really looking forward to the next couple of days.

It's been a wonderful summer so far up here and I am not anxious to get moving in any direction but it will be a nice change of routine and an opportunity for The Man to get "off the reservation".  It's not easy to travel when you are dragging your oxygen around with you so camping in our RV is the perfect way to go.

Anyway . . .   We took the day to do some laundry and pack up what we need and now we are sitting here on the patio just taking a breath before we move on to the next chore before we go.  (I still have to walk out to the barn to get some corn to toss around for the deer. They get really pissed when I forget !)       As we sit here we are watching the buzzards circling way high above us, just coasting on the up drafts and looking like they don't have a care in the world.  Every so often one of the many eagles flies by heading for the pond to take a drink, relax in the sun and possibly have a juicy frog for a snack.  The crows are making their usual God Awful racket in the trees around us and out in the grass in the drive way there are four little yellow birds pecking away at who knows what.  I think the yellow birds are finches and they come to the bird feeder all the time.  The humming birds are all at the back of the house because that's where their feeder is. Waiting "in the wings" for their turn at the bird seed are the Mourning Doves, Cow Birds, Blue Birds, (that are the most brilliant shade of blue I have ever seen), Sparrows, Robins and who knows what other species there are.  In about a half hour the two Sand Hill Cranes will come walking across the field looking for the corn that is supposed to be for the deer but in this world its first come first serve or  maybe its "The early bird gets the corn".

The area all around The Man's house is open field so we have a great spot to watch all God's Creatures. The sky is ALWAYS amazing with billowy clouds drifting by. I can't even remember what it is like in Florida right about now . . . Too hot for sure and probably thunderstorms popping up at a moments notice.  Not missing any of that one single bit !!

Just to let you know I am loving life right about now. The pain in my leg has completely disappeared so I guess I'll be around for a bit longer to enjoy the beauty of God's Earth.  And thanking God every day for this gift !

JULY HEAT

Today is July 23rd . . . Here in Michigan it was a beautiful day . . .74 degrees and sunny with the ever present breeze blowing in off the lake. It was the sort of day that my family and friends in South Florida would KILL for in July.

Yesterday, July 22nd was not as nice as today but by no means was it horrible.  Yesterday the temperature only got up to about 67 and it was cloudy with intermittent showers through out the day. It was the PERFECT day to do nothing ! If I got really energized I could read a book, play some games on my iPad, take a nap, watch some TV . . . all of which I did do at different points of the day. The only down side to a wonderful day of relaxation is that I was dying from the heat while The Man sat in his jeans and flannel shirt with the thermostat cranked up to 80.

There apparently is some correlation in the mind of this man that if the sun is not shining it MUST be COLD !  I don't know where this comes from, maybe from years of living in Alaska and Northern Michigan where the winter days see little to no sun light and the temperatures drop into the minus forties but that is in THE WINTER . . . December, January, February . . .   THIS IS JULY !!!!!!!!!
I don't care if you are living in the Arctic, it is going to be warmer in July and August than it is in January and February.  And no matter how cloudy and rainy it may get you do NOT have to turn the heat on in the house.

Yes, yes, the house is older, it sits out in the open it can get chilly on a rainy day but if that is the case you just close all the windows, put on your sweat pants and sweat shirt and hunker down with a nice cup of hot chocolate. If that fails to toast your buns then turn on the oven and bake some cookies. That is always a win win solution for me.  Oh, wait,  remember we don't use the oven because . . .  I have no idea why so I guess that option is out. (The toaster oven just does not radiate heat like the big oven.)
Another solution is get into the bed and pull up the covers because the woman in the room with you is radiating off enough heat to roast a pig.  My normal body temperature is usually about two hundred degrees hotter than anyone around me and that is not even factoring in those occasional hot flashes that still pop up out of the blue when least expected.

So there I was yesterday, so freaking hot I had to go outside every so often just to keep from passing out. The man kept telling me how "cold" it was and I kept telling him it really wasn't that cold.  I even downloaded the weather app on my phone to show him it was 67 degrees outside but that made no difference at all. Every time he left the room for something I went into Ninja mode again and pushed the thermostat down a couple of degrees. At one point I went out into the parlor, shut the French doors and opened as many windows as I could just to cool down without having to go outside and get wet.

Last night before the man went in to shower he once again cranked up the heat AND turned on his little space heater in the bathroom. When I went in to shower I had to open the bathroom window because it was like walking into a sauna. (I never was a fan of saunas . . . all that moist heat makes me light headed.)  Thankfully when I came out of the bathroom The Man was already in bed so I snuck into the dining room and pushed the heat WAY down.  I am fortunate that in the bedroom there is a window at the head of the bed and it slides open from my side to his.  With the new black out curtains on this window I can reach up and quietly slide it partly open so that I get a cool breeze blowing down on me but The Man feels nothing. Then in the middle of the night when I get up to pee I gently slide the window open just a little more to keep from melting in a puddle of my own sweat.

All this hopefully transpires with out The Man realizing it but I honestly think he is just playing with me to see just how creative I can get.

AND THEN IT STARTED TO RAIN . . .

The Man is having a bad day.   Personally if I had his breathing issues everyday would be a bad day  but he keeps on going in spite of not being able to breathe.   So when a day come along when just about everything goes wrong for you it becomes a MAJOR issue.

I understand this completely because there were days in my life when a hang nail would set me off for a week of anger and depression.  Now I take drugs !  Good drugs, prescribed drugs, drugs that keep me level and sane.  (Sort of)

Men do not like to take drugs.  This is a given fact that I have observed in every man I know.  My husband, my friends husbands, The Man, my sons . . . they are all the same.  "WE ARE MEN !!! "
(My youngest son FINALLY came to his senses several years ago and he seems so much happier with his life. Smart boy !)

Needless to say The Man does NOT take drugs.  Well he actually takes a shit load of drugs but they are all heart and lung related.  His biggest concession to his psyche is a Zanax at night to help him sleep.  But during the day it is every man for himself and on a day like today the poor guy is just wound up tighter than a bungee cord before launch.

The whole down hill slide actually began yesterday when his ride on lawn mower died out in the middle of the yard.  Because he is hooked to an oxygen tank that rides in the trailer, (remember the trailer of the tire story),  behind the mower he was stuck out there with no way to carry the tank all the way back to the house.  Luckily I was outside with him and realized he was not returning so I walked out to him to see what the problem was. I could tell exactly where he was just by following the steam rising from his ears as he huffed and puffed and fumed all the while cursing,
"What the F - - -" . When I got out there he was pissed because the mower had died and he couldn't get it started again. There were mutterings about the dead battery and how could this have happened and so on.  I told him if he wanted to jump the battery  I would go get the car and drive it out into the field . . . at which point he asked me to go get the car and drive it out into the field so he could jump the battery.  (Yup, the idea was all his)

Once I had the car parked by the mower I got out to see if I could do anything and that is when I saw THE BATTERY that is in the mower.  This battery has GOT to be at least twelve thousand years old. The instructions on it were written in hieroglyphics !  I asked him how old the battery was and he had no idea since it had been in there since he purchased the mower back in the 1990's. My suggestion of maybe buying a NEW battery was met with scoffing and a decisive "NO".  To him this battery is perfectly good and it WILL start given enough of a charge. We did indeed jump start the poor old thing, (the battery, not The Man) and off he merrily drove to do some more mowing. (This is not the end of the story)

When he returned to the house he came in, we had dinner, watched some kitchen TV and then retired to the bedroom where he turned on the bedroom TV.  The next thing I heard was, yup, you got it,
"What the F - - -" .  The TV in the bedroom has no sound !  This is a HUGE crisis because how can he sit in bed and watch Fox News before going to sleep ?  O M G !!!!!  The TV turns on, it changes channels but there is no sound.  The mute button is not on so we know it's not that. When I asked how old the TV was I pretty much knew it was probably bought around the same time as the ride on mower but I HAD to ask.  I did not get an answer. . .

By now it is almost midnight and I am ready to crash but he is handing me the remote asking me to,
"FIX IT" .  I gently explained that I would look at it in the morning, now was NOT the time to start playing with the damn thing.

This morning I had a doctors appointment and when I came home the mower still was not working, (that battery is toast but he refuses to admit it) AND the bedroom TV still has no sound.
I can do nothing for the mower . . . not my area of expertise, (as if I have an area of expertise) but I could work on the remote and the TV to see if I could do anything there.

While the lawn mower sat out by the side of the house with the hood open so the battery could do whatever he had it doing we worked on the remote and the TV in the bedroom.  Step one . . .  change the batteries . . . The man rummaged around in his sock drawer and came up with 2 sad looking AA batteries which he put into the remote. (I figured if the remote could change the channel and turn off and on it probably wasn't the batteries but what the hell, it was worth a shot.). A half hour later we had made no progress at all so we gave up and walked back out to the kitchen where The Man decided he would go outside and see how the mower was doing .

Except . . . it had started to rain.  Pouring rain, on the open mower motor.  This prompted quite a bit of muttering with a few choice words thrown in here and there.  He did go out to cover the motor and is now back in the house, in the bedroom on the phone with Direct TV tech support .  So far he has been on hold for over a half hour because he keeps getting frustrated that he is on hold so he hangs up and calls them back so he has to go back to step one in the, "press one for - - -"process.

I'm just sitting here writing because this really is just too good not to share.

MARINATING SEEDS

No . . . you have not accidentally logged into a cooking blog.  It's only me trying yet again to explain to myself why men are so weird !

I have written, probably often, about PLANTING seeds in the minds of men.  When you want or need something to get done there is no way it is going to happen if you flat out say what you want. For instance, "Hey Honey, we really need to fix that door on the bathroom." A statement like that will hang in mid air for a century or more and never ripen to fruition. It's like the past couple of weeks gospel readings at church . . . the ones where the farmer plants seeds and some fall on the rocks and die, others fall on shallow ground and grow but don't survive and the ones that fall on good ground, take root and flourish.

I have found over the years that ANY seed I ever planted in the mind of a man NEVER, EVER grows immediately.According to the Bible this must be because the minds of men are filled with rocks so therefore the seeds can't grow.  Makes total sense to me !   But do not lose hope . . .  I have found the solution to the dried up seeds that I have planted.

You need to marinate them !!  

Before you plant a seed of an idea in the rocky, barren, rock hard soil of the male brain you need to soak the seed.  (Actually if you can soak the brain of the man with alcohol you will get faster results but you do take the chance of over watering and then all brain function is lost and you are back at square one.)  I am finding it is better to marinate the seeds, let them soak in the brain cavity of the man while gently watering them every so often but not too often as to drown them.   The seed will sit unattended for months just lingering in its warm void until you add a little marinate. You do this by using compliments . . . "Gee Honey, you did such a great job yesterday working on that closet!  I know how hard it is for you to do this but it really made a huge difference in this space"  This is marinating the seed you planted two months ago when you off handedly mentioned cleaning out the entire ROOM.  The room cleaning seed was planted, it sat on barren soil for months and now it needs a little watering or marinating. The man may never have even opened the closet you refer to in your marinating statement but if you tell him he did something good he WILL believe it even if he doesn't remember doing it.  (You do have to be on your toes all the time waiting for these rare and precious moments when The Man actually does DO something.  If you're really good at this you can make his trip to the bathroom to pee into an award winning task that he has supposedly accomplished.  "Hey, Thanks for washing off the sink while you were in there, it really looks good."). It is total B--- S--- but it works.

Like all things related to living with the male species PATIENCE is the key factor in making any headway.  If you plant your seed today DO NOT expect it to grow any time soon.  Marinate it for a while, water it gently every so often and when all that fails . . . Well . . .  call someone to do the job for you and your man will IMMEDIATELY start working on what you wanted him to do seven months ago.