The Man is having a bad day. Personally if I had his breathing issues everyday would be a bad day but he keeps on going in spite of not being able to breathe. So when a day come along when just about everything goes wrong for you it becomes a MAJOR issue.
I understand this completely because there were days in my life when a hang nail would set me off for a week of anger and depression. Now I take drugs ! Good drugs, prescribed drugs, drugs that keep me level and sane. (Sort of)
Men do not like to take drugs. This is a given fact that I have observed in every man I know. My husband, my friends husbands, The Man, my sons . . . they are all the same. "WE ARE MEN !!! "
(My youngest son FINALLY came to his senses several years ago and he seems so much happier with his life. Smart boy !)
Needless to say The Man does NOT take drugs. Well he actually takes a shit load of drugs but they are all heart and lung related. His biggest concession to his psyche is a Zanax at night to help him sleep. But during the day it is every man for himself and on a day like today the poor guy is just wound up tighter than a bungee cord before launch.
The whole down hill slide actually began yesterday when his ride on lawn mower died out in the middle of the yard. Because he is hooked to an oxygen tank that rides in the trailer, (remember the trailer of the tire story), behind the mower he was stuck out there with no way to carry the tank all the way back to the house. Luckily I was outside with him and realized he was not returning so I walked out to him to see what the problem was. I could tell exactly where he was just by following the steam rising from his ears as he huffed and puffed and fumed all the while cursing,
"What the F - - -" . When I got out there he was pissed because the mower had died and he couldn't get it started again. There were mutterings about the dead battery and how could this have happened and so on. I told him if he wanted to jump the battery I would go get the car and drive it out into the field . . . at which point he asked me to go get the car and drive it out into the field so he could jump the battery. (Yup, the idea was all his)
Once I had the car parked by the mower I got out to see if I could do anything and that is when I saw THE BATTERY that is in the mower. This battery has GOT to be at least twelve thousand years old. The instructions on it were written in hieroglyphics ! I asked him how old the battery was and he had no idea since it had been in there since he purchased the mower back in the 1990's. My suggestion of maybe buying a NEW battery was met with scoffing and a decisive "NO". To him this battery is perfectly good and it WILL start given enough of a charge. We did indeed jump start the poor old thing, (the battery, not The Man) and off he merrily drove to do some more mowing. (This is not the end of the story)
When he returned to the house he came in, we had dinner, watched some kitchen TV and then retired to the bedroom where he turned on the bedroom TV. The next thing I heard was, yup, you got it,
"What the F - - -" . The TV in the bedroom has no sound ! This is a HUGE crisis because how can he sit in bed and watch Fox News before going to sleep ? O M G !!!!! The TV turns on, it changes channels but there is no sound. The mute button is not on so we know it's not that. When I asked how old the TV was I pretty much knew it was probably bought around the same time as the ride on mower but I HAD to ask. I did not get an answer. . .
By now it is almost midnight and I am ready to crash but he is handing me the remote asking me to,
"FIX IT" . I gently explained that I would look at it in the morning, now was NOT the time to start playing with the damn thing.
This morning I had a doctors appointment and when I came home the mower still was not working, (that battery is toast but he refuses to admit it) AND the bedroom TV still has no sound.
I can do nothing for the mower . . . not my area of expertise, (as if I have an area of expertise) but I could work on the remote and the TV to see if I could do anything there.
While the lawn mower sat out by the side of the house with the hood open so the battery could do whatever he had it doing we worked on the remote and the TV in the bedroom. Step one . . . change the batteries . . . The man rummaged around in his sock drawer and came up with 2 sad looking AA batteries which he put into the remote. (I figured if the remote could change the channel and turn off and on it probably wasn't the batteries but what the hell, it was worth a shot.). A half hour later we had made no progress at all so we gave up and walked back out to the kitchen where The Man decided he would go outside and see how the mower was doing .
Except . . . it had started to rain. Pouring rain, on the open mower motor. This prompted quite a bit of muttering with a few choice words thrown in here and there. He did go out to cover the motor and is now back in the house, in the bedroom on the phone with Direct TV tech support . So far he has been on hold for over a half hour because he keeps getting frustrated that he is on hold so he hangs up and calls them back so he has to go back to step one in the, "press one for - - -"process.
I'm just sitting here writing because this really is just too good not to share.
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