TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING

I can not believe what The Man said to me today . . .   and I didn't even blink an eye because even though I can't believe he said what he did it fits the male profile.

Once again we were outside on this beautiful but chilly day. The Man was on his lawn mower and I was finding endless things to keep myself busy. I had just gotten into blowing leaves off the patio when The Man rode over and asked me to move the RV so he could cut the grass where it was parked. I love driving the RV so I was happy to leave the leaf blower to move the motor home. After I parked it I decided to go through it to see what we had left in there from last summer.  

Sadly, The Man has decided to sell the camper because he just can't handle the set up each time we stop at a camp ground. There really isn't much to setting it up but because his breathing is constantly getting worse even the smallest of tasks causes him to have difficulty breathing. I am still good to go with all the hooking up of electric and water but The Man worries that if anything out of the ordinary happens we will not be able to handle it. It's a valid concern, so after discussing it with me we have decided to sell it. I will be very disappointed to get rid of it but it is the best move for him. 

With the potential sale in mind I decided to go through the RV and take out some of the things we have kept in there. As I was looking through the cabinets The Man drove up to see what I was up to. I had the camper door open and a pile of things sitting on the top step, ready to take back to the house. I explained what I was doing and The Man offered the use of his little trailer that's hitched to the back of his mower. He said we could put everything in the trailer and he would drive it around to the front door of the house where it would be easy to unload. I actually thought this was a fantastic idea that would save me several trips back and forth to the house. What The Man did not realize was that the small pile of things on the top step was just the "tip of the iceberg". As I started filling his trailer with more and more stuff The Man said . . .  "Are you bringing ALL THAT into the house?" . . . ( For your information "ALL THAT" consisted of 2 small boxes and a kitchen garbage bag. It was not as if I had emptied the entire contents of his garage into the trailer.)  To give The Man credit he must have seen the look on my face because he immediately said, "OH, I guess it's not THAT much".  

What you have to remember here is that this is the man who has SO much stuff in his house, attic, basement and garage that it will take fourteen moving companies and a couple of sherpas a month to clean out all his stuff. As I sit here writing this I am looking at a pile of at least 8 sheep skins sitting in a corner of the parlor. The contents of this house could furnish all of Buckingham Palace and then some.  (If only the Queen liked sheep skins and antique lamps.) So for The Man to question me bringing the contents of the RV back into the house is just plain ludicrous. In fact, if you think about it, all the stuff in the RV came OUT of this very same house two years ago when we first bought the camper. 

It's comments like this that make me question my sanity. But then I remember who I am dealing with and all is well once again. I just have to remind myself that men can't help themselves, it's in their DNA to say dumb things. Good thing it's in my DNA not to hit them with a frying pan. (Of which we have at least seven.) 

I GUARANTEE IT

 There are some things in life that you just KNOW you can be guaranteed they WILL happen.  Things like the day after the warrantee runs out on your car, refrigerator or vacuum cleaner it will break down. I can guarantee it !  Or as soon as you wash your car it will rain.  If you plan a cruise to the Caribbean you know for sure there will be a hurricane the week you are set to sail.  The day you forget your cell phone is the day you get stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire. Some people refer to these incidents as Murphy's law but what ever you choose to call it you know it's true.  

One of my favorite guarantees has to do with the opposite sex. They are a warehouse full of guaranteed characteristics like always being late for dinner on the night you prepare a special meal. Or wanting sex after you have been up half the night with a sick kid. Don't get me started on the list because it could go on forever. I just happened to get thinking about this topic today after a discussion I had with The Man. 

Much to the chagrin of The Man I am fired up with energy today because it is a beautiful day and I want to be outside. Yesterday was cloudy, windy and COLD which forced us to be indoors all day. Because The Man is part hermit yesterday was his perfect day. He spent the entire time sitting inside at his favorite spot at the kitchen table.  (Except for his two hour nap in the middle of the afternoon.) 

This morning I headed out the door to tackle THE "GARDEN". I use the term "garden" quite loosely because there really isn't a formal garden or even an informal one for that matter.  There are just places in the yard where things grow.  One area has peonies growing, another contains rhubarb, and yet another has asparagus. All through out the "lawn" there is wild thyme running rampant.  It is so fragrant when ever The Man mows the grass. But today my attention was focussed on the 2 foot wide border along the cement patio at the back of the house. Armed with a leaf blower, a weed whacker, garden gloves and a flame thrower, (no not really), I planned my attack. When in Florida I discovered that if you spray weeds with a solution of vinegar with a couple of drops of dawn dish detergent it will kill anything that grows. Armed with our new gallon sprayer I set out to kill some weeds and beat back the wild rose bushes that take over the entire yard if not kept under control. Unusual as it might seem The Man was OK with all this. (I guess he is getting used to my insanity.) I had just gotten started when The Man showed up on his ride on lawnmower asking me to help him with something out in another part of the yard. I could be guaranteed that this would happen as soon as I got started on MY project.  When we finished his project I returned to the weeds only to have you know who decide it was lunch time, did I want to come in to eat? Translation . . .  "Would you make me a sandwich ? " 

This behavior is so predictable. Just like his starting a conversation just as I am ready to walk out the door. Or asking what we are having for dinner tomorrow just as I am falling asleep.  Or deciding to need something three seconds after I have put it away.  

I can't decide if they do this on purpose just to drive us nuts or are they really living in a bubble so small that they are totally unaware of their actions.  Either way it is guaranteed to drive me nuts !

TURKEY ON THE TRACKS

 This morning The Man and I left the house at 8:30 to make the hour drive to Oscar G. Johnson Veterans Hospital in Iron Mountain, MI.  This VA hospital is where all The Man's doctors are located so any time he needs to see a dentist, cardiologist, pulmonary specialist we need to drive an hour.  Some of these doctors are actually located in Minneapolis, Minnesota but use "Tele Health" to confer with The Man about his various conditions. This Tele Health can't be done at home on our own computer but is instead done in a special office at the VA.  

Today's visit was for an echo cardiogram and to see the dentist.  Both of these were done in person at the VA. (I'd like to see them do a dental exam over the computer.)

Not only is this veterans hospital an hour away but it is also in another time zone!  Some where about half way between the house and the hospital we go from Eastern Standard time to Central time. On a good day our phones may make the hour change but the clock in the car remains on EST. This all means that we can leave The Man's house at 10:00 to get to the hospital for a 10:00 appointment. It gets super confusing when we have an appointment in Iron Mountain and then have to be at a different appointment in Escanaba, which is near where we live. I have a great deal of trouble doing the math on that one. Which clock do I look at? Did my phone change the time or not? What day is it ???????  All this really pushes my brain to the max. 

Besides traveling from one time zone to another we usually go from one climate to another. If we leave the Equator at 10:00 and arrive in Antarctica at 10:00,  fifty miles away,  what time will it be when the two trains meet?  ( Oh sorry . . . flash back from high school math.) This morning when we left the house it was sunny and a balmy 62 degrees. It was beautiful !  I told The Man to leave his fleece jacket at home. I believe my exact words were, "You won't need that heavy jacket. It's beautiful out side." We weren't ten miles down the road before the clouds started to roll in and the temperature started to drop. By the time we got to the VA it was twelve below zero and snowing !  NO . . .  just kidding but it sure felt like it could snow.  The sky was dark gray and the wind was blowing so it felt like it was a lot colder than what the thermometer said. I believe The Man did mutter something not so nice as he stepped out of the car without his fleece jacket. I was glad to drop him at the door of the hospital so he wouldn't freeze and I was also glad that I keep a heavy hoodie jacket in the trunk of the car so I wouldn't get frost bite walking across the parking lot. I am slowly learning how to survive up here. 

It is necessary for me to go with The Man on all these appointments because I am the carrier of the back pack which contains The Man's glasses, numerous inhalers, his phone, a water bottle and a couple of electric cords for the portable oxygen concentrators that we travel with. (I carry a small pack of tissues for myself.) It is no fun not being able to breathe so we always travel with three sources of oxygen. Two portable concentrators that can plug into the car cigaret lighter and a tank of oxygen in case there are electrical issues with the two machines. There is no chance of us ever picking up a hitch hiker because the entire back seat of the car is filled with oxygen. (It's amazing how much space air can occupy.)  When we arrive at our destination I drop off The Man at the closest door and then go park the car. I haul the back pack with me as The Man pulls his oxygen supply with him.  We look like a traveling minstrel show.  Depending on what the appointment is I either wait in the waiting rooms or go in with him. We have note book in which I journal all his dr. visits. I get to carry that in my back pack too. I had always thought that once my children were grown I would be done with carrying a "diaper bag" but it looks like my life is just making a full circle. 

And so this was our day today. Several hours of adventure that I knew would be fun because of the good omen as we turned out onto the highway after leaving the house this morning. As we drove down the road there on the rail road tracks sat the biggest turkey I have ever seen. It was perched in the middle of the tracks just looking as happy as anything. I swear it was smiling at me as we drove by. Maybe he had just flown in from Iron Mountain and knew what we were in for. 

DID I "DING" ?

 Among all the strange and different things that I encounter up here in the UP one of the most annoying is The Man's "Dinger". ( Oh, get your brain out of the gutter I'm not talking about THAT !)

The house we live in is set way back off the road so as a matter of security The Man has attached a motion sensor to one of the trees along the driveway. Every time something passes in front of it a LOUD "Ding Dong" is heard in the house. It's a great idea for places that don't have deer, turkeys and sand cranes that are constantly walking up and down the road. It is also not on a timer so there are nights when the damn thing is ding donging every half hour. There are even times when a tall blade of grass or a low hanging branch with cross the beam and set off the noisy thing. I do like it when it goes off around ten in the morning because then I know the UPS man is delivering something.  

Today as I walked down the driveway out to the mail box I kept getting small pieces of gravel in my shoes. I'd stop to empty one shoe and then three steps later I'd have to stop to empty the other shoe. It was quite annoying so on my trip back up the drive to the house I just sucked up the discomfort of walking on pebbles until I got one nasty little piece of gravel that was cutting into my foot so much that it was really painful. In my frustration I stopped dead in my tracks to get the nasty little bugger out of my shoe.      YUP . . .  you guessed it, I stopped right in front of the "dinger".  It only took me a second or two to get my shoe off and back on but when I returned to the house and asked my usual silly question of, "Did I Ding?" The Man informed me that not only did I ding but I ding donged several times. I can't imagine what he must have been thinking when the alarm went off and on and off and on but I did come to the realization that if I am ever being chased by a bear or fall flat on my face in the driveway The Man will totally ignore all warning signals. 

Speaking of warnings signs . . . This morning on our way into town we passed the Dollar General Store and there were no cars in the parking lot. This is unheard of. The dollar store is THE place to be and on any given day the parking lot is filled with pick up trucks a beat up cars.  (Not a single Bentley or Lamborghini in the lot, never mind a Toyota.  Up here EVERYONE drives a Chevy.) Anyway . . .  The sight of the empty parking lot caused me to wonder if Armageddon had come and gone while we were asleep and we were the only living souls remaining on Earth. Fortunately by the time we got to the one traffic light in town there were other cars on the road with us so we knew all was well with the world.  Maybe the Dollar Store lady just slept in this morning.

HOME

Did you ever think about what the word "home" means to you ?  There are a lot of references to "home" in our society . . . "Home Sweet Home",  "Home Home on the Range", "There's No Place Like Home", and of course, "Home is Where The Heart Is".  That last one is probably the truest.  When you are comfortable someplace it becomes home to you.

Finally, after 5 years, I am feeling that the UP of Michigan is my "second" home.  For a displaced New Yorker this is a FAR cry from anything I ever thought of as home. Growing up in New York City, going to college in up state New York and then raising a family on Long Island, New York never prepared me for this unique part of the country. Even living in crazy Florida where just about anything can and does happen, I never would have thought I'd be happy spending five months of the year in the northern reaches of Michigan. I often think that it's a good thing I had parents who took me on vacations to Maine, Vermont and the Catskill Mountains.  It helped that being a Girl Scout I always loved camping in out of the way places, cooking over a wood fire and sleeping in a tent. Traveling across our country in a pop-up camper with Husband and my 3 kids for ten years helped me to see all sorts of different regions of our country and several trips to Europe and other countries also helped me to broaden my view of where and how people live. 

Even with all that experience I was not prepared for life on a farm for months at a time. It's one thing to spend a vacation week or two in rustic places but LIVING here is a completely different thing. Coming up here to visit five years ago I did fall in love with the area. The people are awesome, warm and friendly. The scenery is beautiful in a quiet sort of way. No majestic snow covered mountains or steep sea side cliffs battered by ocean waves. Instead it is quiet, green and welcoming. (Except when it snows!)  It's a perfect place to stop and catch your breath and relax. 

BUT . . . it was not home.  

The UP of Michigan belonged to The Man. this was his childhood home and the farm was part of his families legacy. The house he grew up in is just a quarter mile away out on the highway. The Man grew up roaming these woods with his brothers and his friends. They have hunted deer in these woods, build childhood forts and spent days roaming alone discovering who knows what. The house that The Man lives in now belonged to his Uncle and Aunt before he bought it. It is a simple "farm" house that has been added on to and reshaped many times over the years. It holds many memories for The Man and his brothers. When I first visited here I was a guest.  It was all new to me and I had to learn how to live here.  There is a septic tank so don't let the water run while you brush your teeth or wash the dishes. The water comes from a well so it smells funny and feels funny when you take a shower. The house was The Man's house and it belonged to him and his wife, who's presence was still here even though she had died three years before I met The Man. The pictures on the walls, the dishes in the cabinets, the medicine in the bathroom and even the clothes in the closets all belonged to a woman I didn't know who had made this her home. It's a weird feeling stepping into someone else's life. 

For once in my life I was smart, I didn't push The Man to let me into his home. I waited on the "outside" visiting as a guest, only using the minimum of space allowed to me. Of course those first couple of years with The Man I didn't spend a lot of time here in Michigan. I would fly up here where we would spend a couple of weeks and then leave to drive to Alaska. My home was still in Florida and Michigan was still a vacation spot for me. 

Last year was the first summer that I stayed in Michigan for five full months.  That wasn't my initial plan but God had other ideas.  With the arrival of Covid we were suddenly brought to a halt when it came to travel.  That just happened to coincide with The Man's health getting just a little worse so that I was reluctant to leave him up here alone. That and the possibility that if I traveled to Florida and back I could very well carry the Covid virus back with me and infect him. And so I stayed here and was in agony the entire time.  I missed my home !  I missed my family and friends ! I was still a guest in a strange place and I didn't want to be here. All my doctors were in Florida, what if I got sick? I could die up here! 

All that changed this year.  

I came up here this year knowing that I would be here for the entire summer. I prepared myself mentally to find things to occupy my time without making The Man crazy. It is very easy to make any man crazy but this poor guy had his hands full with me.  I like to organize !  There is nothing I love more than to spend a rainy day emptying cabinets and tossing stuff out.  I've talked about this before so you know what I'm talking about.  Before this year if I even looked in a drawer I was questioned about what I was looking for and why. The house wasn't mine so I had to watch my every move. I became "The Ninja" ! Sneaking around when The Man was asleep so I could find a bar of soap in the over stuffed bathroom closet. 

All it took was some patience on my part and now I am feeling like this is also MY home. The Man's wife is still here with us, as well she should be but The Man is letting things go and he is allowing me to sort through things and move things I won't use to the basement or attic. So far I have gotten two kitchen drawers sorted and emptied out, three kitchen cabinets and a dresser in the second bedroom that has become my "dressing room". We bought a new bed last year that belongs to US, not just The Man.  I am slowly gaining headway into closets and cabinets and it is starting to feel like home to me.  I even brought my kitchen calendar that I had made on Shutterfly with different pictures of my grand kids to hang on the kitchen wall. 

It's amazing how comfortable these few changes have made me feel this year. I'm actually very happy to be here with The Man and even though I do miss my family it isn't anywhere as bad as last year.  I have my chores of feeding the deer each afternoon and walking out to the mail box out by the road. I'm tending the garden to slowly make it my own by planting plants I enjoy. I am very comfortable telling The Man I'm taking the car to go into town rather than waiting for him to suggest he drive me someplace. The pieces are falling into place and life is good. 

My heart is here and here is home.   

SPRING TIME IN THE U P

 According to the calendar that is hanging on the kitchen wall I do believe it is supposed to be Spring.  Considering the fact that snow was falling two weeks ago right after we arrived here I had my doubts. Then yesterday I was walking around in shorts and a tank top because it was so hot. And I thought Florida weather was crazy.

I has been quite chilly, damp and cloudy since we arrived here in the U P of Michigan.  I was beginning to wonder what had made me get in the car with The Man to travel 4 days to this arctic waste land.  And then the weather changed !!  HALLELUJAH  LORD !!!!  I mean it is tough enough leaving my family in Florida to spend the summer up here but if I am coming here only to freeze to death then I must be nuts !

Thankfully The Lord saw me packing and planning my escape and He has actually let the sun shine long enough for me to unpack my bag and settle in for the season.  

The past weekend was COLD on Friday but then on Saturday the sun started to peek out from behind all the gray clouds and the earth began to warm up.  The peonies are growing inches each day, as is the grass. The birds are out back at the bird feeders filling their bellies and even the Hummingbirds are back hovering around the feeder like mini helicopters while sticking their little straw like beaks into the sugar water we have put out just for them.  The air has gotten warmer and the cold breeze off of Lake Michigan is beginning to feel less frosty. The best part of this arrival of Spring is we have little orange visitors who will be here for about two weeks.  The Baltimore Orioles are passing through and they are magnificent !!  I don't think I have ever seen one this close so having them feeding right outside the kitchen glass door is such a treat.  Someone told us just the other day that the Orioles were in town so we should put out a half of an orange for them to feed on.  We just happened to have some of those little oranges that were the perfect size to slice open and put out on the top of the bird feeder. I swear I wasn't back in the house two minutes when we had two beautiful Orioles perched out there munching away on the orange. By the end of the day the orange pieces were sucked dry so we have replaced them today and sure enough the Orioles are even happy to visit in the rain.  

Now that the weather is warming up I couldn't resist going out and getting into the garden to start beating back the weeds that seem to have woken up long before any of the flowering plants. The first day I got out the weed whacker and launched an attack out back.  That resulted in giving myself tendonitis in my new shoulder. Five days on Prednisone and I'm back to normal. So now that I know not to use the weed whacker I got on my hands and knees and started cutting back weeds with a scissor. That resulted in getting a cold butt from the wet ground, an aching arthritic hand and a head cold to boot !  Apparently Spring time is not a good time for senior citizens who don't use their brains.  

By yesterday I was feeling almost back to normal on all counts. I woke up to a BEAUTIFUL day outside. Temperatures in the low 70's, sun blazing, a wonderful cool breeze off the lake . . . just perfect !  I DID NOT go out into the garden !!  Instead I went into town to do some shopping and then made a visit to the chiropractor to get myself ready for the next adventure into home care on the "farm". The Man had set up a date with one of the neighbors kids to come over today to help us pick up fallen branches from around the property. Gus was also going to move some outside furniture and pull some stuff out of the basement. I personally was dreading the day because I knew I would probably be working alongside Gus and I just wasn't ready for another day of work when I was just beginning to get back to normal.  Because there is a God we woke up this morning to rain rain rain and temperatures in the 50's.  Thank you Lord !!!! There is an advantage to living up here with the crazy weather.  It gives me a chance to recover and have a lazy day blogging and reading.  

THANK YOU MIKE LINDELL

 In case you have been living in a closet these past several years and have not been watching TV you may not recognize Mike's name.  Those of us who watch Fox News ALL the time, (not true really, we do watch News Max, Wheel of Fortune and the local nightly news at 6 while we choke down dinner while watching reports of doom and gloom), are familiar with the smiling face of the "MY PILLOW" guy.  His commercials are on every ten seconds, or so it seems.  After watching Mr Mike for Oh so many years it gets you to thinking that maybe, just maybe, he may be on to something.  

Yes, I got sucked in and actually bought two of his pillows. (Buy one get one free . . .  who could resist ?) These would be the pillows that will change your life forever.  Not so much change my life but I do like these pillows.  The Man says they are too fat for his taste, (he sleeps with a piece of tissue under his head for a pillow. He likes his pillows thin as thin can be) but I like a pillow I can pound into shape depending on what position I am sleeping in.  (Side sleeping pillows require a totally different shape from a back sleeping pillow. Because I am the Queen of Sleep this is a science I have spent a great deal of time studying. If only I had spent this much time on Physics and Chemistry in college I might have gotten better grades.) 

After living with our new pillows for a couple of months I got thinking about all the other products my man Mike is selling.  I have more towels than I know what to do with but the Mattress Topper really did intrigue me.  You see my bed in Florida is a sleep number bed so depending on what my back is doing on any given night I can either make the matters more or less firm.  I love my bed !!!   The Man's bed in Michigan is another story. Last year he very generously invested in an adjustable bed. The bed vibrates and moves up and down and has lights under it, (our UBL is a joke between us . . . under bed light) and it even has 2  USB ports on either side of the frame so you can charge your phone or I pad while you sleep. What this lovely bed does not have is a soft mattress.  When The Man bought the bed, (sight unseen and purchased over the phone), the nice lady at the factory sales office asked if he wanted a hard or soft mattress. He chose hard, which is probably what I would have chosen also. What we didn't realize is that "hard" in this case is cement slab hard. There is a cushion top but it really doesn't do much in the way of fitting your form when you lay down.  We have slept on it all last summer while in MI but when I got thinking about Mike Lindell and his "Totally Change Your Life" Mattress Topper I decided to go for it! I mortgaged the house, sold my car and my first born and scrapped enough money together to order this bedroom wonder. (They are not cheap but according to the advertisement they WERE on SALE so I got it for half the regular price.  Our man Mike is not only a good salesman and creator of all things sleep related but he sure knows his marketing skills. I mean, who can resist a "Half Off" sale ???!!!!

The mattress topper arrived in Florida only a short time after I ordered it, another plus in the marketing and sales of Mike's company. I didn't want to have it sent to MI because we weren't going to be up there for another month and I couldn't wait to purchase it because it was on sale right then.  So it arrived in Florida and promptly got put into the trunk of The Man's car. It did take up a lot of space but we managed to fit The Mans twenty seven pairs of shoes all around it. When we got to MI I couldn't wait to get it on the bed but I had to wait until we got the new washer/dryer.  (The old ones had died just before we left MI in the fall and the new ones wouldn't arrive for another 4 days. I didn't want to strip the bed just to put the mattress topper on so we waited.)  

OH MY !!!!   It was worth the wait !!  

Mike Lindell is on to something and even if his products are quite over priced they are worth EVERY PENNY !!!  This Thursday the new washer/dryer arrived and was installed.  (I LOVE it . . .  it's a one unit washer on the bottom, dryer on the top and it is great!). We stripped the bed on Friday and put the new mattress topper on along with some nice clean sheets.  The Man took a three hour nap. He said the bed felt wonderful.  I held off until that night and I have to say I REALLY did sleep like a baby.  No Joke !  

The only problem now is that the damn bed is too comfortable and we are finding ourselves going to bed at 8:00 in the evening. We lie in bed and watch TV into the wee hours of the morning because the bed is now a lot more comfortable than the naugahyde chairs in the kitchen.  

I wonder if Mike Lindell has "chair toppers" for old kitchen chairs ?