The trouble with depression is that it is so depressing. Unfortunately or probably FORTUNATELY I still have my sense of humor and can see the humor in what I am experiencing these past weeks. Also awareness of knowing how I can feel when taking the proper medication helps me not just stay in bed and cry for the day.
I am thinking if I stay with this horrid medication that I have switched to I could become the official blogger for the entire population who suffer from depression. But then I would still have to get out of bed to get to my computer to write because I HATE writing on my iPad or iPhone. Those "key pads" are just too tiny for my fat fingers. And who's dumb idea was it to split the key pad on the iPad? Dumbest idea ever !
To easy your minds I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for this coming Tuesday to get myself off this stupid medication that is poorly named "WELL"something something and either go back to the tried and true stuff that has worked for me for years or something in the same major dose ball park. Now that we have scientifically established the fact that the patient, (moi), is an official sufferer from depression and related issues let us bring in the Big Guns and fight this shit with some good old fashioned heavy duty drugs.
I may not have lost my sense of humor, that just comes as part of the package of me but I sure as hell have lost my laughter! In the past couple of weeks I have managed to royally mess up a whole bunch of things in my life. For one thing I have blown off two very lovely friends down here in Florida because I just can not deal with other people for any length of time. They keep calling asking to get together but my tolerance for social interaction is at an all time low. I don't even want to be with the grand kids so you know how bad I am feeling! Every time the phone rings I cringe thinking it will be someone wanting to "get together". The effort to smile and keep up a conversation is exhausting. Please don't ask me for advice because my advice isn't worth the air I am breathing. My brain is functioning at such a low level of "good thoughts" that I don't trust myself to make decisions for dinner never mind life changing issues for some one else's life.
My little Cathie Cave of a home is probably the worst place in the world for me right now because it is small and dark but I can't bring myself to leave it. It suits my mood and no one can get to me if I choose not to give them access. Don't tell me that it's not good for me to be alone. The emotional energy spent with other's will set me back days. Just let me be and I will crawl out of the cave come "spring". I promise I will bloom again but until then just leave me be. Don't try to "reach out to me" to help. I will screen your call because talking is exhausting.
Depression SUCKS big time ! I want you all to know that it is real. I can't stress that enough because of the years I spent living with it when I was married to H and he would say those famous words, (repeat with me folks) . . . " JUST GET OVER IT ! ". Which I have been trying to do but it just doesn't work. But as I said before, I am aware this time around, what the problem is and am being proactive to get this situation fixed.
So until the time that I get some different medication, Hopefully Tuesday, and it kicks in, Hopefully Tuesday night! (just kidding), I guess you are going to have to put up with mental health alerts. I can assure you I do have too much going on in my life to let this keep me down for too long. Today I am making an attack on the Dollar Store to stock up on pool supplies for a weekend trip to LEGOLAND with the Pompano Gang to celebrate Smith's 7th birthday. We will only stay over at a "resort" for one night but we want to be prepared for lots of pool time. I'll buy myself a floating bed.
I'm sharing all this with the world because of the warped ideas people have about depression. So many people I encounter feel that they have the answer to making you "feel better". They suggest you "JUST DO" this that or the other thing. I want everyone to know it is a real "disease". Just like shingles or cancer. It attacks your mind and it doesn't let go. Your suggestions can't make it go away any more than burning a scented candle will make the pain of shingles disappear. Like cancer you treat it with different medications and hope to find the right one that will cure it or at best keep it at bay.
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