NIGHT WRITER

I sincerely apologize to all of you out there who have trouble sleeping.  For as long as I can remember I NEVER had trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. I was THE QUEEN OF SLEEP !
I prided myself on being able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat and sleep soundly through the entire night and half of the next day. Sleep was my friend.  When encountering someone who would periodically wake up at 4 or 5 AM I would scoff at them and tell them how silly they were for getting up at that unGodly hour. Why all you have to do is close your eyes, clear your mind and surely you will fall back to sleep for another couple of hours. These poor souls would try to explain to me how they "Just can't sleep!" to which I would laugh and think how ridiculous that was, everyone can sleep if you just relax and let your mind wander.

WRONG !

I have become a night crawler, A creature of the night, A Night writer. I have become my father minus the burnt toast. My children all have the memory of waking in the middle of the night to the smell of burnt toast wafting up from the basement apartment where my dad resided for the half of the year when he wasn't in Florida. Every night he would wake around the same time, get up and cook a little something to nibble on while watching TV or in his later years, while writing his book or composing his collection of poems. I have not fallen far from the proverbial tree as I sit here writing at 3:30 AM because I can no longer sleep through the night or late into the morning.
That theory, that I would gladly expound to any one who complained of sleepless nights, of JUST stay in bed, let your mind wander to clear all thoughts and you will drift off back to sleep, is a load of crap !  It seems I was the queen of sleep either because of boredom, depression or drugs. What ever the reason none of the above remain in effect at this moment of my life and so sleep has left the building. I am sooooooooo sorry for ever doubting you my sleepless friends when you told me how hard it was to fall and stay asleep. I have become one of you and I extend my deepest and heartfelt sympathy because there is NOTHING to do at 3 AM and this is driving me crazy !

As I lie here at this mid point between evening and morning I am left to my own devices to entertain myself and that can be dangerous !  At first when I wake up and realize sleep has flown I persist in thinking that if I just lie here quietly I WILL fall back off to sleep. And as I foolishly lie here my brain starts working . . . thoughts start oozing in and the next thing I know I am in a full blown thinking mode. " Will I get all this stuff packed in time to move?", "Did I leave the light on in the bathroom at the new condo?", "Where did I put those forms I needed for the insurance company?", and most importantly of all, "Why in hell do you have to pay for air at the gas station?". These are burning issues at 4 AM and I can not get back to sleep because of them. The fact that there is NOTHING I can do at this hour to rectify any of these important matters does not factor in. The thoughts keep coming at the speed of the Indy 500 and my brain goes into Hyper Drive to keep up with it all.

At this point I just have to get up, go burn some toast and write it all down just to get my brain to stop. There is no guarantee that I will get back to sleep once I put my thoughts into print but at least I have to try to empty the brain drain and let some of this stuff out. It's like an over flowing cesspool that will not stop stinking until it's emptied. A vulgar analogy but Hey, it's four in the morning and I haven't gotten much sleep.