Remember that poor old camel who broke his back because of that one last piece of straw ? You know . . . the "Straw that broke the camel's back" . . . well, with me it is going to be Light Bulbs. There is going to be just ONE last thing that is going to send me over the edge to either insanity, a cave high on a mountain in Tibet or possibly even death. I am heading in one of those directions at the speed of light.
OK , I'm being just a bit melodramatic but honestly people, I am approaching my limit. (The fact that my "bar" for "limit" is set as low as a dachshund without legs doesn't help matters at all.)
Let's start with a well known fact that I have repeated in my blogs for years and years. DO NOT CAUSE ME TO LOOSE SLEEP ! If I am woken too early we all know the proverbial "S---" will hit the proverbial fan for sure. And this morning the shit not only hit the fan but it almost caused The Man to loose his life.
Let's back up a day or four to where all this started. Saturday was Halloween and I went to my daughters that evening to hand out candy. SUNDAY I spent the entire day down at my Son's house with his three kids. (My grand daughter Grey had to go have a covid test so she can have an MRI done tomorrow. That adventure is for another day after we get some test results.). Anyway . . . I was tired from the previous night's adventures so getting up at 8 on Sunday morning wasn't not going to be easy. The Man made it twice as difficult by setting his alarm for SEVEN and then leaving his phone in the bedroom when he got up at SIX. Why did the chicken cross the road? Who the hell knows which is also the answer to "Why did The Man get up at six?" The Man, in his once again infinite wisdom, made an appointment to have the tires on his car rotated at 9 AM Sunday morning !!!! WHO DOES THAT ????????? I gather that his thought process, (if there actually was one), was that since I would be going out early he might as well do something productive while I was gone. Being The Man who needs four days, thirty two hours and fifty seven minutes to get ready to do ANYTHING, he set his alarm for seven AM. But when he woke up and got up at six AM he did not take his phone with him so his alarm woke ME an hour before I needed to get up.
I was a bit miffed, (that is a mild form of pissed) but I shut off his phone, threw it into the toilet, NO, that's what I WANTED to do but I didn't, I just put it on the bathroom counter and went back to sleep for another hour until The Man woke me with these words . . . "WE have a problem".
Now mind you, I am SOUND asleep and am woken up by The Man standing in the door way telling me that "WE" have a problem. At least he knew enough to stand in the doorway because if he was within arms reach I would have had his throat in my hands. I was half asleep when I asked what "Our" problem was so it took me a while to process the fact that the TV in the living room was not working. ( Like I gave a flying "F"). I dragged my body up out of the bed and staggered into the living room only to note that the TV was ON with a dark screen that had a message saying it was not working. DUH !!! I "calmly" explained that HE needed to call the cable company because I did not have the time. I DID take the time to write down all the information he might need before I gathered myself together to make the 45 minute drive down to see the grand kids. I AM TIRED ! It was a wonderful day though and I got home by 6:00 so we could have dinner. As soon as dinner was over I called the cable company,(because The Man did NOT call them.) and with in minutes the TV was working fine. The joke being that the TV in the bedroom was working the entire time so The Man could have watched football all day had he only checked that TV OR made the one call to the cable company ! Dumb Ass !!
Ahhhhhhhh . . . but it only gets better . Monday and Tuesday were full of doctor appointments for both of us and today I had to get up to go to the dentist at 11:00 AM. I figured an 11:00 dentist appointment would let me sleep a little and get ready to go at a leisurely pace. I did not factor in that yesterday was Election Day and we both sat up until almost 2:00 AM watching the debacle. We went to bed pretty sure our president was going to loose which caused me to have a disturbing nights sleep. That would have been bad enough but when The Man woke me at 5:47 this morning by turning on the bedroom TV I almost killed him. I grabbed the blankets and pillow and pulled it all up and over my head giving The Man the message of "I AM NOT HAPPY!" For the next hour I tossed and turned while envisioning the most painful ways I could kill The Man. His death was going to be slow and painful !
By eight AM I finally gave up and got my butt out of bed, muttering all the while that I got dressed. I promised myself I would give The Man the benefit of declaring temporary insanity but when I stepped into the living room I lost it and told him exactly what I was thinking as I stomped through the room and out the kitchen door onto the lanai where I sat down to write this blog.
It is now 6:30 in the evening and we are both still alive. I did apologize for my outburst and he apologized for being an idiot.
I guess this whole election nonsense has both of us at our wits end.
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