CRASHED AND BURNING !

For all "UPS" there has to be a "DOWN" and today is my day.  I am still joyous of the wonderful Christmas we have had but my mental capacity to be kind and generous and just down right NICE is at an all time low.  I need to bash my head against the wall while screaming "GET THE F... OUT OF MY FACE!" to any and all that come within a 20 mile radius of me.
I like to think I am a "GOOD" person and am kind to all. That Catholic up-bringing haunts me daily into trying to be a living model of Jesus. But some times I just have the need to let the devil in and just say and do what ever the hell I am feeling in the moment. I will always have boundaries no matter how nasty I want to be but it still feels good to take down all the filters and flick the Jiminy Cricket off my shoulder and into a pile of shit so he can't be my conscience for a while. That freaking cricket is always in my ear telling me what to say and what to keep inside. The filters that most of relatives don't have are thick as a mattress on me because my mother was famous for just opening her mouth and saying what ever came to mind. Things like, "You're not as fat as you used to be" or "With those hips are you sure you want to wear that?".  Subtlety is not a Helfrich trait and I am half Helfrich, thank you Mom. All those things that I would see and hear growing up stuck in my head and made me swear I would NEVER do or say "THAT". And so I am wound tight as a clock on a day to day basis but every now and then when things have been busy busy busy my spring snaps and I loose it.
Today being that day, in spite of the extra happy pills, I am finding just the breathing of Husband to be nails on a chalk board. Forget breakfast this morning. I though I would leap across the table and slam him with my cup of hot chocolate because of the way he was chewing. If I ever did I probably wouldn't stop till he was dead. That is how bad today is. My kids, especially the youngest, mention things about their dad that "bother" them and I usually tell them to get over it, we are who we are and you can just ignore the annoying things. Today their list is running through my head and I am going to explode rather than ignore. It is like all the worst traits and habits are high-lighted just to make sure I see and hear them.
It would be best for all if I could take a couple of drinks, crawl under the covers and watch a few hundred movies until this mood passes. But even then I know that Husband would be in and out of the bedroom to use the bathroom, get a pair of socks, ask if I wanted anything etc. etc. etc. Even when I tell him that I need SPACE he doesn't hear what I am saying. I guess he has a death wish and today that wish just may come true.
As the plaque on my wall says:

"DEAR LORD: I PRAY FOR THE WISDOM TO UNDERSTAND MY MAN; LOVE TO FORGIVE HIM- PATIENCE FOR HIS MOODS-
BECAUSE, LORD,  IF I PRAYED FOR STRENGTH,  I'D BEAT HIM TO DEATH !"

I sure hope Husband is saying the same prayer cause I just might get beat to death if this mood doesn't pass quickly!