So . . . . Seven months into the whole cancer world and we are still alive and kicking. Ger isn't kicking as high as he used to but he is kicking! I am choosing not to kick him as often as I did and that is a good thing. Husband has actually become a gentler person through this experience. God has given us an opportunity to see each other in a different light and to learn a little more about what makes each other happy. Isn't that amazing !
Since our diagnosis back in early August of last year Ger and I have had A LOT of time to be together. We do well in those circumstances normally but this has tested our limits. Ger still gets pissed off quite easily when he thinks I am acting like his mother but he is also beginning to see that he needs me in his life right now and maybe, just maybe I am not his mother but his wife. (He has ALWAYS had mother issues.) These days G has been a lot more tolerant of my "care giving". You all know that the man can't find food in a grocery store and he gets lost in a paper bag but when he is gagging to hold down dinner he now lets me get him some ginger ale. What I'm saying is, G has become more aware of my trying to help rather than looking at me as an annoyance.
I don't know if that is God's doing or maybe it is all just a big joke being played on me. We ARE dealing with CHEMO BRAIN as one factor in this change in G. All that poison and radiation has surely effected some/many brain cells. I know G appreciates my book keeping and scheduling skills in keeping track of appointments and bills. He even has admitted that he needs help in figuring out what pills to take when. (All while accusing me of thinking I am a doctor.) But add to the brain draining chemo and radiation and this person I am married to is a trip and a half!
So half his brain is chemo addled . . . now the doctor adds some POT PILLS to increase his appetite. Having never been a user G and I did not know what to expect, but as I have written before, it was fun to watch. Mr. Fuzzy brain is now having trouble keeping track of his feet and where they are taking him. I find him wandering around the house at times trying to figure out where he was going or what he was doing. (That is my usual state. I find myself standing in the middle of a room without a clue as to why I was there.) But G is FUNNY! Now we add to this brain some mild narcotics and boy do we have a comedy act in the making! G had a pain in his side the other day. From his description I figured it was just a muscle pull. But since I am often reminded that I DO NOT have my medical degree we decided to let the oncologist know about this new development. She prescribes a mild pain killer containing narcotics.
All I can say is Ger is orbiting some where around Mars and trying to have a conversation with him is like talking to a tree. Just as an example, this transpired 2 nights ago:
Me . . . "Ger, you left an empty water bottle in the kitchen. Do you want to save it to refill ?"
Ger . . . "NO!" "I am going to save it so I can refill it."
Who's confused? I am thinking I will start taking some of the pot pills so that my brain can get on the same level as G's and then maybe we will make even more sense to each other.
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