GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS

I am pretty sure that there is no record of men being beaten to death with pedometers so I plan on being the first. When I am awaiting my trial please have some one call Guiness so they can bet the facts from me and I can be entered into their book.
Maybe I should just go for the record of stupidest wife ever! I mean, I know better than to allow H to try his hand at anything mechanical. Most days I don't even allow him to use the toaster oven, no less a cell phone but now that he is getting physical therapy I thought he might be able to handle a machine as tiny and unassuming as a wrist pedometer. The fact that it is strapped to his wrist gave me some hope that he wouldn't loose it or screw up the settings by sitting on it while in his pocket. Sometimes I can be sooooooooo naive.
It took me two days to undo the damage done by "Mr. I know, I know" when he literally ripped the pedometer from its package. I don't know how he did it but I almost had to send the thing back to the manufacturer to have it reprogrammed. I read the instruction tome about seven times before I finally got the thing back on track. Sure enough it is very simple to use! BUT . . .  It has, pause for a GASP,  4 buttons and that is way beyond the reasoning powers of H. The fact that one of the buttons is for a light has totally added to the confusion. (H's confusion, not mine.) I am beginning to have seizures as a result of the light flashing on and off in the morning as H tries, in vain, to start counting his steps for the day. Meanwhile I am logging miles from running to where ever he has stopped because, "THE DAMN THING ISN'T WORKING" . Do you know how much self control is required to punch a button and not the man?  I know that poor is technologically impaired but this is beyond insane. A chimpanzee could learn to operate this thing easier than H.
And so I shall continue to give daily, hourly instructions while chanting the Serenity Prayer.
I have been told that walking is very good for calming ones nerves. Maybe I can find someone selling a slightly blood spattered pedometer.