HOME SICK

Has anyone ever died because they had to leave their home ?  I actually feel I am going to die. Or is it that I wish I could die? Or is it that I am feeling so poorly that I want to die? 

I do believe it is ALL of the above !

I have become physically sick over leaving this house. I've got this horrible condition where I can not wear makeup because my eyes continue to leak at arbitrary moments and I can't catch my breath. Water pours down my face and sobs make it hard for me to breathe.  This can occur as I am in the middle of Publix, while driving down the road or even in the middle of chatting with someone at Starbucks. It is most embarrassing but it just catches me unaware at the oddest of times.  Then there are the stomach issues which I will not go into detail on but suffice to say I have emptied several bottles of Pepto Bismol and am working on the bottle of Imodium.  I'm really glad I had gone for my check ups at the gastro intestinal doctor or I would REALLY be concerned with the pains and nasty things going on down there.  Stress can do amazing things to a persons body.

The only thing unaffected by all this is my sleep. But then depression always put me into a stupor where I can sleep days on end like a bear hibernating.  If it wasn't for having to pack up my personal items and rid myself of almost EVERYTHING else I would be in bed under the covers from now until the day I had to move out.  

I don't think this ever occurred to my 2 oldest children when they came up with this brilliant plan to have me move NOW that I just am not ready yet.  I am being ripped from this place and every day is just like tearing a layer of skin off my body.  I cry constantly, I am physically ill over it but keep telling myself it is the RIGHT thing to do.  BUT if it's so right why does it hurt so very very much?