Now I know for sure you are all glued to reading this but I am serious guys, this is for the Ladies out there and you guys just won't be able to relate. Go get a beer and check out ESPN for a few and you can return to this tomorrow.
OK girls . . . who out there HATES their underwear? ???? Not like you don't like the texture or design but just the idea that society tells you that you HAVE to wear it. I know it ain't pretty to look at those WALMART photos of the worst dressed people in the world, especially the ones showing those well endowed women who had decided to hell with what society says and have chosen to go wild and free. Those are some visions you have burned into your brain that you really really don't want there but a tiny part of you says, "Hey, that sure looks comfy!"
The older I get the less I like underwear. Tops, bottoms, it's all the same. Squish it in, hold them up, pinching here and chaffing there. Underwear is a literal PAIN! I have ruts, actual indentations, in my shoulders from wearing a bra all these years. Something I know you tiny little things just can't understand. But when God see fit to "Bless You" with a little extra to fill and over flow your bra, rather than give you the will power to stop eating everything in sight, well, things get heavy! It's like carrying 2 bowling balls around your neck. Your whole body stoops forward, your spine bends a little more and things left free can get out of control before you know it.
I grew up in the "BURN YOUR BRA" generation. Only trouble was that at that time I was one of the few teenagers who did not yet have a bra. Talk about mortifying experiences . . . 8th grade home ec . . Having to create from scratch your own graduation dress. I'm sure I have written about this before as it is one of the many traumatic events of my youth. There were about 35 girls all running around in their various stages of undress trying on their creations. Most, if not all, had reached puberty and we wearing bras. Guess who was still in an undershirt! My poor mother had to buy me a bra just so I wouldn't look out of place. I had nothing to go in the bra but at least I looked like one of the gang.(Unfortunately that could not be said for my pitiful excuse for a dress). It wasn't until quite some time later that my body decided to bloom. It continues to bloom till this day! (I like to think I am blooming rather than gaining) But at that time I couldn't wait! What the hell was I thinking??? UGH! Now I just want to be that little old lady who sits around all day in her house coat and no underwear. I mean, seriously, who ever designed these things ? And I am NOT talking about those darling little frilly things seen at Victoria's Secret. I think the secret is that you have to be a size 2 to wear those things. I have yet to find a 42 H any where in the store. If the entire country is leaning toward obesity WHY don't manufactures make BIG underwear more accessible? AND ATTRACTIVE?? All I can find to wear is "Old Lady Tidy Whiteys". Practical and Plain. If I have to wear the damn things at least make it fun for me. Oh, I know I can search the Internet and find someone out there selling "pretty" elephant size underwear but I don't want to mortgage my house to buy them. It's just much easier to go without.
But the down side to being "FREE" is that I cannot leave the house and Heaven forbid the door bell rings Ger is going to get trampled as I make a mad dash for the bathroom or nearest closet where I will stay until who ever is at the door goes away. I don't want the responsibility of giving my neighbor or the UPS man a heart attack because I opened the door swinging wild and free. It's not attractive . . . take my word for it, not pretty at all! BUT IT IS COMFORTABLE !!
And isn't that what life should be about? Comfort ! The number one desire of the retiree. WE don't have to get up in the morning. We don't have to go anywhere we don't want to. We want to 'LIVE COMFORTABLY" and I have taken that literally. If I am going to be out and about my home for the day I will put on a bathing suit top. That's the next best thing to wild and free. But come 5 PM the girls are let out for the night and come hell or high water I am not getting dressed unless it is absolutely necessary.
And that my friends is why Senior Citizens don't go out at night! That is why we go to Early Bird specials at the restaurant. That is why you will never find ME inviting guests in for cocktails at 7. It has nothing to do with going to bed early, it's ALL about the underwear! By 5PM the girls need their freedom and the underwear has to go. I know you all feel the same way. It's the first thing that goes on when my BFF's get together for a night. Out comes the wine and or ice cream and off comes the bra.
TRY IT . . . YOU'LL LIKE IT !!
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