God has got to be a very, very busy entity. I mean, He is in charge of the entire universe so why I would ever think that He has anything to do with events in my life is ridiculous. Except it is not ridiculous, in fact it just so happens that I see His hand in just about every facet of my life. Just the fact that I am here in Michigan with this man is totally God's work because left to my own devices I would be single and drunk for the rest of my life. In stead God saw that I needed to be needed and so he brought me The Man.
In fact, if we want to go all the way back to 1966 when I graduated from college and suddenly realized I should have a job God put a representative from Central Islip School District at my college where I was hired on the spot for a position as a Kindergarten teacher. Going back even further to 1955 when I was in fourth grade I was chosen to go help the kindergarten teacher for a day and from that day on my goal was to teach these little five year olds. Being an only child I had no siblings and none of my neighbors had little children so entering that kindergarten classroom all those years ago was like entering a world that I didn't even know existed and I fell in love with it immediately.
Fast forward to college where I could easily have flunked out my Sophomore year God provided me with new friends who would teach me how to study and help get me through all those dull and boring classes necessary for a teaching degree. Finding the job in CI led me to meet my husband-to-be and in turn he was put in my path to help me mature and become the person I am today. Without Husband I would probably still be partying, broke and without a home or a bank account that provides me with a very good life. Not to mention the absolute best part of marriage . . . my children and grand children.
All this was given to me as a gift from God . . . And in return I try each and every day to "Do His Will". Life isn't about what you want, it's about what God wants and this is what I constantly have to remember when I"m feeling down.
And I have been feeling down these past two weeks. I've been feeling home sick and lonesome for those wonderful grand kids of mine. I miss my daughter and sons and their children. I miss my Florida home and familiar surroundings. I miss my Florida friends and neighbors and my little garden. I even miss the two hundred degree with three hundred percent humidity days. Oh Wait . . . I do NOT miss that !
It's not that I don't love this wonderful place up here and the kind man that puts up with me. I mean where else could you have your own private herd of deer that come to visit every evening just outside the back door. At this moment I am sitting just inside the big sliding glass door in the parlor watching five deer and two big sand cranes walking around not a hundred feet away. It's wonderful , , , but it is not home.
And so when I got feeling sad and sorry for myself this past weekend I got to thinking just why am I here? I mean, I could be anywhere that I wanted to be. Have no "obligation" to be here, no promises were made to stay here for the summer. I could just pick up and leave at any time. The Man would understand, (because that is the good person that he is), and I could fly home and then fly back in a few weeks when I was recharged. All these thoughts played through my head and I was almost convincing myself that it would be OK to leave The Man on his own for a while. I talked to God Saturday afternoon as I drove to mass and then home again. (Conversations with God are quite common for me when I am in the car alone.) I asked God to let me know what He wanted me to do and this morning He answered me.
Part of the reason I have been wanting to go home is to see my doctors and catch up on some long overdue appointments that should have been done back in March when Covid shut everything down. I ALWAYS have some sort of dumb physical issue plaguing me and I really wanted to see my Florida doctors who know me and take care of me. This craziness with my leg and foot had me really wanting to see my familiar physicians but flying to Florida would mean chancing getting Covid and worse, bringing it back to The Man. I knew this but my selfish brain was rationalizing and telling me I should just think of my self and make the trip. (Good old Satan loves to play with our brains and he puts all sorts of thoughts in our heads.)
But God is stronger and this morning I got an appointment with a wonderful doctor up here that The Man uses when he needs something immediately and can't get to the VA that is an hour away. I have met Dr. Hartman several times in the past four years when The Man has gone to see him so I knew I liked him. My visit to him today was EXCELLENT ! He spent about forty minutes with me and we worked out some of the mysteries of my leg and foot. I came out of there feeling great and knowing that I did not have to run home like a baby to see a "good" doctor. But knowing me like He does God knew I needed a little extra reassurance that I was indeed where I was supposed to be doing what He wants me to do. When I got home The Man was taking a nap, which he does almost every day. But today he slept over two hours and I was starting to get concerned when he shuffled out of the bedroom . He still looked tired and when I asked him if he was all right he told me he was just not feeling right. He had started a new medication on Saturday and he thought maybe it was making him feel out of sorts so he was going to stop the medication. I suggested he call the prescribing doctor and talk to her first just in case. An hour later and several calls back and forth he feels better mentally but is still not feeling great physically. I made him some soup and sent him back to bed for the evening.
God wants me HERE ! The Man is not healthy and I am totally convinced that God has me here in The Man's life to take care of him. He's not a healthy man by any means but he has some things in his life that he needs to work on while he is still around. I see it that I'm here to help him get those things done.
Is that prideful ? Am I reading this all the wrong way ? Who knows. What I do know is that I feel so much better this evening knowing I have made the right decision to stay here and I also know that no matter what God wants of me He won't have me doing it alone.
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