Once again prepare yourself to delve into the male psyche . . . OR . . . prepare yourself to once again be amazed at how the "unique" male mind works. For as many of these blogs as I write I STILL have yet to figure out just how their minds work or if in fact they do work at all. I am totally open for any man out there to try to explain this to me but until then I will continue to find humor and frustration in my dealings with the opposite sex.
This most recent incident occurred yesterday. I had been composing a blog in my head about something else that had happened about three days ago so yesterdays adventure just reassured me that I HAD to write about this odd male behavior. There have been numerous other times when The Man behaves in the same manner but this one just caught me as particularly amusing. The fact that when these things happen The Man is totally and completely SURPRISED makes me laugh every time.
Yesterday was hot and humid up here. Not Florida hot and humid but still uncomfortable enough that the house is closed up and the AC is turned on. More for the comfort of The Man because the humidity really makes his breathing difficult.
In the morning we left here to take our 45 minute drive to where The Man does his pulmonary rehab. He had a good work out but was really drained by the time we got home. We came right into the house and he went into the bedroom for a nap. (Napping is a daily occurrence in our lives and I have been known to actually fall asleep with him for an hour or two. . . . The Queen of Sleep will take advantage of any opportunity to nap.) About forty minutes into his sleep his phone rang which annoys the hell out of him. This is considered a personal attack by whom ever dares to interrupt the siesta. I do think The Man believes people purposely wait until their "Dwayne" radar tells them he is in a deep sleep so NOW is the time to call. Anyway, the sleep was disrupted and The Man was cranky. (Did you ever wake a sleeping bear or teenager when they did not want to be awoken? This is exactly how The Man is, and to be fair it is only mildly like what I am like when some one wakes me. )
So now we are up and both of us are cranky. Rather than sit at the kitchen table staring at each other or the TV, (I don't know which is worse), The Man decided to go outside, (in spite of the heat), and cut the grass. Normally this is a great thing for him to do but it really was too warm yesterday. Knowing it would serve no purpose to say anything I just grabbed my book and headed outside with him. Good thing I did !
I was puttering around, getting some things out of the RV and feeding the deer when I looked up to see The Man on his mower out in the middle of the yard on the side of the house mowing down the garden of dead Peonies and tall grass. This section had not been mowed since the spring because the peonies were growing and blooming and looking wonderful. Now that they have all died the twenty by twenty area is an island of four foot high grass. NOT something that one should attempt to mow down with a regular mower. In the past years The Man has always mowed this area with his "bush hog" that is attached to the tractor. This machine is made for thick, heavy grass and the tractor is built for heavy traction and pulling. I guess he was just feeling too tired to switch from the mower to the tractor . . . bad decision.
As I exited the RV on the opposite side of the yard I waved to The Man who was sitting still on his mower in the middle of the mass of weeds. Rather than wave back he waved for me to come over so I immediately knew something was up. Sure enough, he was stuck. He had mowed down some of the plants but had gotten the back tires of the mower stuck in a soft spot in the grass.
For the normal person this would be no biggie . . . just get off and push or get off and walk into the house until you got some one to help get the mower out of the hole it had sunk into. But The Man isn't normal because he can't breathe. He was a fish out of water stuck in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Even though he had his tank of oxygen in the trailer behind the mower he couldn't carry the heavy tank and walk all the way back to the house so he needed help. Upon reaching him he asked me to push the tractor out of the hole and I totally pulled a toned down version of Rhonda. I did not say, "F--K NO" like Rhonda would have but I DID say no. (So proud of myself) There was no way I was going to be able to push a mower with him on it. I think this SURPRISED him as much as the fact that he was stuck surprised him. The surprise turned to annoyance, not with me but probably with himself for being so dumb as to get himself in this predicament.
The Man was at a loss to figure out what to do when I surprised him with the suggestion that we either call a neighbor to help OR I could get the truck and pull the mower out of the hole. We did try option one but the neighbor wasn't home so I went to get a chain from the garage which he hooked up to the mower and the truck that I had driven up to where he was. Within seconds the mower was free from its quagmire of weeds and mud and I had not killed anyone or wrecked either vehicle. THAT was a surprise to both of us.
It is this element of surprise in The Man that amuses me to no end. He is so easily surprised by things. The incident a couple of days ago that triggered my blog radar was when we came home from someplace and I joked that someone must have been in the house while we were gone because all the dishes were washed, dried and put away. (The Man had actually done this earlier that morning but I hadn't noticed until then) When I said this I meant it to be a joke but The Man's started scanning the room looking for the unknown dish washer. I quickly thanked him for doing the dishes but I don't think he was even listening. All he had heard was, "Someone must have been in the house" and he was in high alert mode. As he continued to look all around he went over to the French doors in the kitchen and tried the latch. To his TOTAL SURPRISE the door was unlocked !!! He turned to me, eyes wide and stated, "The door is open!"
I knew the door was open because every morning The Man opens that door, steps out on the small patio to check the weather. Nine times out of ten he forgets to lock the door once he comes back in. Most days I check it before we go out but this day I had not and so it was left unlocked the whole time we were out. (It is not like we are living in the middle of Chicago or NYC . . . NO ONE EVER comes up to this house unless they are here for a specific reason. The UPS guy and the neighbors are the only people who know we are here.) If anyone does happen on this driveway and follows it up to the house they are usually so surprised that they immediately turn around and leave.
Surprises are so entertaining.
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