Anytime a man starts a sentence with the word "just" you should turn tail and run for the hills. You can be assured what ever follows that word is not going to be anything good.
Some of the occasions that My Man uses the word "Just" to start a sentence usually involves him wanting me to do something for him. Husband was exactly the same so I know this is common to the male population. (My girl friends have noted this phenomenon so I am not alone in this observation.) The Man will say something like, "Just stop and fill the car with gas on your way home from your appointment to have a root canal", or "Just stop at the hardware store on your way to the insane asylum", or "Just drop this off at the post office on your way to your knee replacement surgery". The word "Just" implies that I have nothing better to do than what ever stupid thing he wants done.
But today's "Just" gave me this idea for a blog.
The Man's property is large. Part of it is fields and parts of it are wooded. There is a large wooded area between the house and the road with the drive way cutting through these trees. As with any wooded space there are live trees and there are dead trees. It's the evolution of a forest. Trees grow and trees die and the older the forest the more dead trees there are. Several years ago The Man hired a company to come in and cut down much of this dead wood. The neighbors were delighted because it gave all of them a lot of fire wood for years to come. (There was a LOT of wood) It opened up the area so that sunlight could get in and new trees could grow. The Man did good !
But that was several years ago and now there are some more dead trees out there just waiting to get blown down. Last winter we had one large tree fall across the driveway and take down the power line to the house. We were without electricity for 48 hours and the driveway was blocked until some of the neighbors came over with their chain saws. (More free firewood!) It was an inconvenience that sent us into town to stay at a motel because The Man's oxygen concentrator is dependent on electricity. (Tanks of Oxygen don''t last very long.)
You would think that this event would have The Man on high alert when it comes to dead trees near the driveway. NOPE! There is one large tree out near the road that is dead dead dead. The wood peckers LOVE this tree and have made holes in it the size of the Lincoln Tunnel. I know that sucker is coming down the first big wind storm that we get but The Man seems to have no problem with it. Then there is the HUGE, TALL pine tree that is across from the house. The entire top half of the tree is dead. Has been for two years now and is getting worse with each passing year. I can not tell you how many times The Man looks out the bedroom window at that tree and says, "WE really need to get that cut down before it falls on the house", (Not just the house in general but the bedroom. Because if that sucker falls this way, which is where it is leaning, our bedroom is toast). Besides that disaster waiting to happen there was the small dead tree standing next to the second driveway. It was maybe 15 feet tall and right next to the drive. For weeks The Man has been saying, (anytime we come in that driveway), "I need to get that cut down before it falls across the driveway" Well guess what? IT FELL !
This morning I went out to move the car and I saw that during the night the small tree had fallen and it was right across the road. (We have 2 driveways that form a big "U". The UPS man loves this because he can come in the one driveway, cut across next to the house and go out the second driveway. No backing up for him.) Now driveway #2 is blocked with the fallen tree. (That would be the tree that WE were going to get taken care of, OOPS!) Because we were on our way out to an appointment we couldn't do anything right then but when we came home it was time for action. Out we went to the downed tree to access the situation. Being the smart woman that I am I let the man go ahead on his lawn mower while I stayed far enough away to keep from saying or doing anything to "upset" you know who. The next thing I know I am being summoned to the scene of the crime. The Man has decided on a course of action . . . He will sit on his mower and supervise while I move the tree ! (You can only imagine what is going through my mind and the words that I am holding in.) I know full well that I can not move this tree but I'll play the game. I walk over to the tree, bend down, grasp the trunk and give it a little lift to see just how heavy this sucker really is. It is at this moment that The Man decides to say, "JUST push it!" (Like I am going to try to lift a tree and carry it across the yard.) I give it a slight tug and realize that it is still attached to the trunk. When it fell it did not completely snap off so there is no way to push, pull or lift it. But there sits The Man saying over and over, "JUST PUSH IT!!!!" (Right now I am ready to push something and it isn't the tree.) I try to explain to him that the tree is still attached to the trunk but he is not listening. Instead he decides I am useless so he will go get a rope and pull the tree off the driveway. Off he goes on his mower to the garage where there is a ton of rope. All sorts of rope. Thick rope, thin rope, heavy rope, white rope, yellow rope and even some orange rope. There is enough rope out there to hang the entire population of New Jersey.
Soon I hear the mower coming back toward the tree and sure enough The Man has something orange thrown in the back of his little trailer. I foolishly assume it is the orange rope. WRONG !!! The Man has brought back an orange electric extension chord. He gets off his mower, ties one end of the extension chord to his mower, the other end around the tree, climbs back on and starts to pull.
I swear to you I am not making this up. The Man pulled the tree off its trunk, across the yard all the way to the fire pit using an electric extension chord ! I had to JUST untie the electric chord. Tomorrow he will go out and cut up the tree. He will probably use a steak knife for that !
As for me, I JUST couldn't wait to write about all this.
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