Move over Super Man. Fly away Bat Man, spin your webs elsewhere Spider Man. There's a new super hero in town and his name is Prednisone Man ! Or maybe just "P" Man for short.
I am picturing a super hero in farmer's jeans and flannel shirt with a large yellow "P" emblazoned on the front. I chose the color yellow because Prednisone Man not only gains his strength from pills but also from the lack of protein and the need to pee every fifteen minutes. Yes, Prednisone Man is the alter ego of The Man.
This vision of The Man as a super hero came about thanks to my daughter. When I was telling her of our adventures in the hospital last week and the resulting decision to keep The Man on Prednisone for the remainder of his days she came up with this new name for The Man. I can not take credit for this. It was entirely Keri's idea. We laughed at the thought and then my brain got working on it a bit more. And here we are, a week later, still chuckling over it.
Every super hero has a story. Prednisone man came into being after too many visits to doctors and hospitals. Unlike Spider Man, "P" Man was not bitten by an insect, instead he was given too many doses of a particular drug which resulted in him developing his super powers. I have yet to determine what these super powers may be but I am eliminating things every day. Here is a list of things that I KNOW Prednisone Man can NOT do:
"P" Man can not figure out how to work the windshield wipers on his car. The lack of this super power became quite evident today as we drove one hour in the pouring rain. "P" Man has owned his car for at least 2 years now. Admittedly he does not drive that often and when he does drive it is usually not that far. But come on now . . . really ?? You don't know how to work the windshield wipers ? It has not rained here for over a month so perhaps "P" Man has forgotten how to work them but it really is a pretty basic skill for anyone who has ever driven a car. It's not like the Honda's wipers are hidden in a mysterious place and only pop out upon voicing a secret code. If his car was newer and had the wipers like my car that sense moisture on the windshield and come on automatically I might understand his lack of ability in adjusting the speed of them but that is not the case. Wipers are ALWAYS on the right side of the steering column. Push the handle up or down, (depending on your car), and they go on. Turn the base of the wiper lever and the intermittent wiper speed increases or decreases as desired. Simple !
Today I watched "P" Man fiddling with the wipers and had all I could do to keep from reaching over to adjust them. He has this most annoying habit of putting the wipers on intermittent even when it is pouring. How he can see is beyond me. But I remain quiet. (That seems to be my super power.) When a truck passes us the back spray totally blinds us but "P" Man does not even flinch. He just keeps driving. I managed to stay quiet about this all the way to our destination but almost lost it on our return trip. Driving back home the rain increased so much so that it was very difficult to see the road. I sat silently watching "P" man fiddle with the wipers. He would push the arm up and the wipers would make two sweeps and then stop. (He had them on "cleaning mode that sprays water, wipes twice and stops.). After ten minutes of this he finally figured out that he needed to push the arm DOWN to get the wipers to stay on. BUT they were on intermittent mode. Short pauses between swipes . . . This quickly frustrated "P" Man because, and I quote, "I don't want the wipers running all the time and wearing out the blades." This is the same logic that The Man uses when I do laundry. He gets upset because I am wearing out the washer and the dryer. (Three loads of wash a week for 2 people? One of those loads are to wash the bed sheets and towels. We are living on a farm and I am our gardening most days. Gardening requires dirt and water, lawnmowers and rakes. And I am not supposed to wash my clothes?)
But I digress. After his comment of not wearing our the wipers all I could think of was the epitaph on my tomb stone when I am killed in a car crash on a rainy highway. "Here lies Catherine. Her mind and body wore out but her wipers were good as new." By now I am practically ready to leap form the car from frustration of watching "P" Man try to clear the windshield. It is at this point that "P" Man says, " I can't get these wipers to work the way I want." I quietly reached across the car, twisted the wiper lever into the correct position and sat back saying, "Is that better?" All the while I am thinking, "What is wrong with this man???????"
Obviously Prednisone does not give a super hero any advantage when it comes to the working of his brain. Thanks to the Prednisone he has energy to spare, which is much better than seeing him laying in bed sleeping all day but I do think a super hero needs a little more brain power than this.
Maybe if "P" Man ate more protein it would help his brain.
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