POOP PATROL

I am not writing about husband tonight because the poor dear is just exhausted from sitting all day talking to our guests. There was that half hour that he had to move his chair over near the BBQ while cooking the chicken but he is recovering in his recliner in front of the TV so we don't want to pick on him.

Instead we will discuss the great perplexity of POOP !

Being a grandma has many, many perks, not the least of which is knowing how to change a diaper. Or so you would think! Back in the dark ages of the 70's there was the problem of deciding on cloth diapers with accompanying rubber pants or those new fangled disposable things. The cloth diapers held the challenge of not stabbing your child to death with a diaper pin that was the size of a football, but those disposable things were just too new to trust. Then once we realized the NEW diapers were trustworthy enough to touch the bottoms of our children we had to learn a totally new skill. Getting the diaper on the baby, pealing the tape off the side of the diaper and getting it around to the front in one deft movement before the baby got the tape stuck to it's head or your arm. This tape was so sticky it stuck to everything it touched, except the diaper. Many a child of the seventies was seen with duct tape holding his diaper together because the tape from his diaper was stuck to the changing table for life. Now a days the challenge of diapering my grand children is DOES ELMO GO IN THE FRONT OR IN THE BACK? Diapers have come a long way but that is not the topic of the night.

Rather . . . The fine art of Pooper Scooping is what I would like to talk about. It seems that this past week I have picked up more than my share of DOG POOP ! This disgusting task is all part of dog sitting our neighbor's dog for 3 weeks. (WTF was I thinking?) Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. I had dogs as a kid but NEVER did I have to follow the dog around with a plastic bag. When the dog pooped in the yard my father would head outside each Sunday with his creation of a long stick with a tin can nailed on the end and with this "scooper" and a small rake he would walk around our massive 20'X20' back yard and collect all the deposits. He would then toss these droppings over the fence into the empty lot next door and that would be that! (Thinking back on it, my friends and I played in that empty lot all the time and never thought twice about what was under those leaves and brush.) If, for some reason, we walked the dog and it went in the street that's where the deposit would stay. Cars and rain would remove the poop and everyone was happy.

But now we live in a "CLEAN" environment and must pick up after our pets. I understand that, but this particular dog poops about 20 times a day. I don't know what is in it's dog food but I swear if we could find a use for poop this dogs owners would be millionaires. All the dog does is sleep and poop. (Not too unlike Husband but at least he is potty trained.) Dog, on the other hand, wakes up, walks out the front door and poops. If you take her for a walk she poops. If you walk out to the mail box and she follows you, she poops. And guess who gets to pick it all up!? It is a disgusting task and now that I am finishing writing this I am going to go out to the garage to go through the recycle bin to find myself a tin can and a stick.

And all this has just answered the age old question of . . . "What is better, a dog or a cat?" The cats have to take it hands down because they are smart enough to learn to poop in a box.