SPRING CLEANING SHOULD NOT INCLUDE WASHING THE PHONE

Actually,  that is not true.  The phone, like every thing else in this house needs a regular cleaning. Usually that cleaning involves some Clorox spray cleaner and a cleaning cloth.  Have you ever looked at your phone to see how really NASTY that sucker gets? Blah !   NASTY with a capitol "N".  But it seems this year I have taken the cleaning of the phones, (yes, that is plural) to an extra level. Within the span of 7 days I have drowned TWO (2) of our phones in the pool.  I did not drop them in the pool, as I have led some family members to believe, I took them swimming with me.
I know you are sitting there wondering how the hell this idiot could take not one but two phones INTO the pool. Simple . . .  since bathing suits don't have pockets, (HELLO bathing suit designers . . . got an idea here for ya!) I tend to carry things in the top of my suit. I have a rather large "upper body" (Yea Yea . . . boobs) so when I am going out to the pool and have a hand full of magazines, snacks, drinks etc. I take the phone, stuff it in the top of my suit and head out. When I get outside I situate all my crap on the chair, take off my hat, take off my sun glasses and jump in !  The first time I did this last week I had my BRAND NEW $200 cell phone stuffed in my suit. I totally did not remember it was there until I came back in to get dressed. Need I tell you the many @#$%&**^&$%#$@ I said ?  I tried the trick of putting the phone and battery in the frost free fridge for 24 hours but all that did was freeze the water that was in there. That sucker was DONE ! So now I have 2 cell phones, one that works and one that doesn't.
You would think that I would have learned my lesson from that expensive swim but sure enough I went out to the pool yesterday with my arms full of "stuff" and jumped in the pool only to realize that I had the HOUSE phone tucked into my bathing suit. How in Heaven's name can I be so stupid ?  I really wish I could answer that because I am starting to worry about my mental state.
But before I go for the MRI of my brain or go onto Alzheimer's medication I think I'll go for a boob job and get rid of these trouble makers.  If I didn't have any place to stick things then I wouldn't be taking the phones for a bath.