Any merriness attached to the group of women I just had dinner with was totally a result of the large amount of alcohol they consumed. I understand why they drink because by the end of the 2 hours spent with them I was ready to become a raging alcoholic just to save my sanity. I even found myself considering faking a heart attack just to get away from this group. A delightful evening it was NOT !
Once again I find myself preferring the company of killer bees and mad Englishmen in the mid day sun to the company of relatives and their friends. But being a sucker I called cousin L and suggested I come up for a visit. Cousin L is a good person but manages to tweak my "nurbs". She is quite adept at "pushing one's 'buttons'" so to speak and can usually drive me stark raving insane within moments. Things have improved over the years but she is a Helfrich and like my mother she opens her mouth and Heaven only knows what will come out as there are no filters to temper her comments.
But tonight she really was just being her "adorable, cute little old lady" self. We went through the entire litany of how wonderful her TWO poor dead husbands were. (Believe me they died early because they wanted to!) EVERY time we get together that is the main topic of conversation. ENDLESSLY telling anyone who will listen how these men loved her so and took such good care of her and how she misses them so much. (I know they are up there poking each other in the ribs laughing their heads off.)
Just when I had about reached my limit we headed out the door to go "meet the girls" at Duffy's Sports Bar. The food at Duffy's is mediocre at best BUT we go because the drinks are TWO FOR ONE at happy hour and that is something these women just can't pass up. There were 8 of us, God Help the waitress! And the drinks started flowing seconds after we were seated. I knew what I was in for but had already committed to the evening with cousin so onward I forged. I also knew that all the alcohol in the world was not going to ease the pain of the evening so I stuck to ice tea with the hopes of making an early escape. THREE hours later I saw my chance and made a fast getaway but not before I wanted to stick needles into my brain to destroy any memory of the evening.
Individually any of these little ladies would be "delightful"? but like a swarm of locus together they could kill you in seconds. The funniest thing is they are all the pillars of their church. They go to Duffy's on Tuesdays because one Tuesday a month the church gets 10% of the sales of church parishioners. Everyone comes in with their little coupon from the church bulletin and the church gets money. (Duffy's hasn't figured out yet that if it was 10% of FOOD sales they wouldn't have to give the church anything seeing how 90% of the bill is for drinks!)
So there we sat. the Church Ladies and I, eating, drinking and bashing the priests, fellow parishioners and neighbors.
It's a long and lonely road to Heaven and I sometimes wonder if I really want to get there if I'm going to have to spend more time with the likes of my dinner companions.
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