WHO YOU CALLIN' "WE"

As a kid growing up in the late forties, early fifties I used to listen to "THE  LONE  RANGER" on the radio and then a few years later I would watch it on the TV.  The Lone Ranger was our Superman who always fought for the little guy.  He and his side kick Tonto, (who was a Native American, ie. Indian), rode around the Wild West getting rid of bad guys and restoring law and order to the land.  Every show ended with him riding off into the sunset yelling, "Heigh Ho Sliver".  Silver was his horse.  

(Dave Barry did a column on this phrase which caused many to write to him about their interpretation of  of this phrase . . .  did the Lone Ranger say, "Heigh HO Silver", or did he say "Heigh YO Silver"?  Dave Barry and I agree that it was "HO" not "YO" but I do think the jury is still out. )

Anyway . . .   Around the time that the Lone Ranger and Tonto rode across the air waves and TV screens of America I remember there was a joke about them that I thought was hilarious at the time and I still remember it to this day.  It went something like this:

            One day the Lone Ranger and Tonto found themselves surrounded by wild, savage Indians who were intent on killing the two of them.  The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Well Tonto, what should we do?" To which Tonto replied, "Who you calling 'WE' white man?" 

I can not tell you why I found/find this so funny but to this day when ever The Man says to me "WE need to do something I chuckle to myself and ALWAYS want to say in reply, "Who you calling' 'WE'  white man?" Some times I actually do say it and am rewarded with a puzzled look that questions my sanity.

But in reality it is a very appropriate response because "WE" NEVER EVER means the two of us.  It ALWAYS means Me !

The most recent example of this was yesterday when The Man and I had a discussion about what WE were going to do with our dirty laundry.  WE have a washer and dryer here at the Michigan house but these two appliances are about a Zillion years old and have been on their last leg for the past four years that I have been coming up here.  When the washer goes into spin cycle it sounds like a jet plane taking off or a NY subway train rattling through a tunnel.  I have questioned it for four years and have been told that it, "ALWAYS sounds like that". The dryer must have a loose belt because when it spins it sounds like a barn full of squealing pigs at dinner time. I have learned to accept the sounds and I have managed to keep my laundry down to two loads a week.  (At home in FL  I usually run a load of wash every couple of days. I LIKE CLEAN CLOTHES!)  The Michigan washer and dryer drive me nuts but I live with it and we manage.  

UNTIL . . . The Man's son arrived last week and he did a wash the other day. He was so horrified by the awful noises that The Man decided WE can NOT use these appliances any more until we purchase new ones.  (I would have done this four years ago but my opinion apparently does not count.) The Man's son went into town to the two appliance stores and guess what ? No one has any appliances because due to the virus all the plants have been shut down and production of new appliances has been at a stand still.  There is a year wait for what we are looking for. (WE need stackable washer & dryer and there just aren't any to be had.). WE could pay a small fortune for the appliances we found on line but The Man has decided to wait until Spring when there will be more to choose from and maybe even some sales. 

All this now leaves us with two options, well, actually three options.  

1. Don't wash any clothes for the next two weeks until we leave for Florida.

2. Take the dirty clothes out to the pond and wash them in the mucky water.

3. WE can haul all the dirty clothes and sheets and towels into town and spend three hours at the local              laundromat feeding an average of ten dollars in quarters into the nasty machines.

I'll give you three seconds to figure out which one WE are doing.  (Over the past five months WE have done ALL the grocery shopping, filling the car with gas, post office runs and every other thing that needs to be done.) 

Last week "WE" got to haul ass into town while The Man sat at home visiting with his son.  To be very honest WE love going out on "our" own for a couple of hours but I really have to chuckle that WE make these decisions and WE get to carry them out..  Today WE got to go into town again and do another two huge loads at the local "shelter for the homeless"/ laundromat. The place DOES have a TV but I have no idea who sets the station that is on and if it can be changed. I just roll with it.  Last week was Judge Judy and Dr. Phil, this week it was Fox News.  There are some ratty old magazines on the window sills that are probably from 1972 but I haven't wanted to pick them up for fear of disturbing the dust covered dead flies. 

There are many washers and dryers of various sizes but I wonder just how clean my clothes are getting when from the looks of the machines no one has cleaned them since they were installed fifty years ago. The hard plastic molded chairs are ice cold to sit on since the laundromat does advertise it has air-conditioning but fails to mention that it does NOT have heat. Today when I left the house with my load of wash it was 39 degrees outside with snow showers.  I guess the laundromat owners figure that the dryers will keep the place warm but since I was the only person in there that wasn't happening.  

Being alone in the laundromat is preferable to sharing the space with the likes of the woman I met last week.  Not saying she wasn't "pleasant" but by the time my clothes were dry I knew her entire life history, including the part about her living with a drunk for two years. To quote her, "Good thing I didn't marry the Bastard !"  Se also told me about the local woman who married the Black man and then divorced him so now he spends his days walking around the streets selling drugs.  (I have never seen anyone in this town who wasn't a Lilly White Scandinavian who says "EH?" after every sentence. ) 

So, WE are really looking forward to getting out of here and heading south to be with MY people. WE need to be in the company of friends and family so that when someone says, "Why don't WE do something?" I know they mean them AND me.