LET IT GO !!!

 Some people, who shall remain nameless, just can't let go of "power".  A parent doesn't always get it right when raising a child but once that child is grown you have GOT to let them be adults without you monitoring their every move.  

Some people just can't do this . . .  they feel that because they are the parent, no matter how old that child is, the parent should still tell their child what to do and when.  

When I was in college studying to be an elementary school teacher one of the very few things that I got out of four years of elementary education classes was . . .  ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS stress the positive !  If you have a child who can't read you find what they can do well and focus on building them up with praise about their accomplishments rather than beating them down over what they can NOT do. It's basic stuff and it works like a charm !  (I did try to remember this when I was raising my own children but I may have failed miserably when they were young so I try to make up for it now.) 

On the flip side of this you have people who have spent their lives in the military and are used to giving orders . . .  no discussion, just demands and orders.  I pity the children of people like this.  

To get a bit more specific, The Man has two children. The first born is a boy and basically is "The Golden Child".  The son has managed to grow into a very nice and capable man who is doing an excellent job of raising his two girls.  He is successful, owns a home but has been "divorced" twice. (The second relationship was long standing but not an official marriage.) In the eyes of The Man his son can do no wrong and The Man says nothing when he disagrees with the son's actions.  (ie.  the second woman who is now gone.  We all knew she was a looser but the boy kept her around for five or more years until he figured out he did not want her in his life. )

The Man has a second child, a daughter, who can do NOTHING right.  She apparently was a beautiful child but got involved in drugs and has spent quite a bit of time in jail.  She has little or nothing to do with her brother, has two daughters of her own by two different fathers and has a very rocky relationship with her dad.  He doesn't trust her at all and is always looking at the negative aspect of her, not encouraging her to do better. I think she is trying to get her act together, The Man has no faith that this will ever happen.

Being here with The Man I see both sides of this relationship and my heart breaks for both father and daughter. BUT . . .   I am keeping my mouth shut and keeping my thoughts to myself . . .  except to share with you.  I do keep trying to get The Man to let go of the material "stuff" that he seems to care so much about.  I remind him every so often that furniture, Christmas ornaments, pots and pans are just things that are not important to anyone but he insists that they must be "treasured" by his family. If only he could let go of this idea he would be so much more at peace. 

His daughter was here today to pick up some of her things that she had stored here while she was "away". The Man hung out the window watching her like a hawk as she loaded things from the garage into her truck.  You would think that at this point of his life he would be glad to get rid of as much as possible but he is so concerned that she will take something that she shouldn't.  As I have mentioned before the garage is stuffed with CRAP . . .  pots, pans, dishes, and such. I feel if The Girl wants to take some of the shit let her go for it.  The Man feels that she will just leave it someplace when she moves and it will be lost forever.  We are NOT talking about family heirlooms or antiques . . . we are talking about yard sale junk that needs to go.  

I have a cousin who thinks that EVERYTHING she owns is worth millions and I have been told over and over again that when she dies I need to make sure everything is sold for its maximum value.  My thinking is she is going to be gone so who the hell cares where it goes. MY feeling is that you donate stuff to St. Vincent de Paul and they will sell it to someone who WANTS it and the charity will make money to help someone else in need.  Isn't that a good thing?  But the mentality of the "can't let it go" crowd is that this stuff is worth something and must be kept forever. 

What's that old saying about "The one with the most toys when they die" . . . I figure I'm going to be DEAD so what the hell will I care about where my crap goes.  

GET OVER IT PEOPLE . . .  IT'S ONLY STUFF !!!!!  

I have always wanted to "fix" the world and help everyone solve their problems but I have managed to learn to shut up and just pray a LOT for the people I care about.  It's taken me a long time and I do hope I'm getting better at it each day.  As for The Man and his daughter . . .  I have no idea where they will end up but it sure is sad to watch.