Once again I need to talk about "D Speak". I have often written about how I have difficulty understanding The Man but today I was not alone. It made my heart lighter just knowing that I am not the only one who can't understand what The Man is talking about.
Around one o'clock The Man had just gone into the bedroom to take a nap after an exhausting morning of sitting on his lawn mower while I followed him around on foot doing all the physical labor. First we put 3 LARGE black garbage bags FULL of "stuff" that we had cleaned out of the garage weeks ago. I had stacked all the trash on to one large pile in the center of the garage. The Man had been witness to each and every item that was placed in the trash bags so it was all good to be thrown out. Supposedly it was all going to be taken to the dump but it just never made it there. (Big surprise!). This morning The Man decided WE would put some of the trash into his little trailer in back of his lawnmower and WE would take it out to the road where the trash can sits. I lifted, hauled and dumped the 3 bags and then he drove back up to the garage to see what else was still there. WE then took 3 boxes over to the fire pit where he supervised the burning of each and every item. Questioning each and every thing as I pulled it out of the boxes. (I kept reminding him that WE had gone through all this stuff weeks ago and he had given me the "OK" to get rid of it but that was weeks ago and this was today.)
After the burning, which The Man observed from the comfort of his lawnmower WE decided to go look around the house to see what else needed to be done. WE needed to find the 2 large pieces of styrofoam that he uses to cover a basement window for the winter. WE couldn't find them so The Man had to drive all the way over to the garage, (all fifty feet) so that he could tell me where to look next. WE finally found the stuff and got to carry it over to the house where it was placed next to the window in anticipation of our 2 neighbor boys, Tanner and Trevor, who would come over one day this week to mow the lawn.
WE then were exhausted so WE went to sit in the garage on the lawn mower while one of us got to look through some more boxes that WE were curious about. That lasted about a half hour until The Man decided he needed a nap. As he went into the house he told me I COULD, (as if I needed permission) cut back 3 small bushes that were growing around the house.
The Man wasn't asleep more than a half hour when I heard the 2 boys outside on their mowers cutting the lawn. Sure enough the next thing I knew The Man was back out of the bedroom asking what was going on. HUM ?????? 2 boys and a lawn mower . . . . what do you THINK is going on ?????? Well, that was it for my quiet time while The Man napped.
But like all things "Man" it was not that simple. If WE have 2 boys here with a lawn mower you would think there would be nothing for us to do. NOT !!! The Man HAD to come outside to supervise because these boys have never mowed a lawn before . . . or so you would think. As the boys were racing around on their mower The Man decided I needed to stop them and have them do some other chores for him. You know those 2 pieces of styrofoam I had moved over to the house? Well The Man needed to supervise the placing of said foam over the window opening. God love those kids, they didn't even blink. Then it was on to the mattress spring.
Yes, I did say mattress spring . . . It seems that The Man likes to get a mattress spring every couple of years so that he can hook it to the back of his tractor. Once attached The Man drives the tractor up and down the gravel and dirt driveway to "smooth" it out. This is a fairly large waste of time because the dirt is so packed down that no amount of mattress dragging is going to make a difference, but what the Hell, it makes him happy. Problem being that The Man can not attach this mattress spring to the tractor by himself and there is no freaking way I am lifting a mattress spring. So this is where the boys come in.
One problem . . . before we can attach the spring to the tractor we need to get the "spool of wire" from the garage. Now I KNOW what a spool is and I know what wire is but The Man had to give a twenty minute dissertation on wire and spools. I asked him where I should begin my search and he looked at me like I was asking what size girdle the Queen of England wore. Remember we have a cellar and 3 garages plus a lean-to AND the entryway with it's gigantic cabinets. I thought I had a valid question but I guess not. I was directed to the work bench in the garage. A logical choice which is probably where I would have looked first anyway. As I skipped merrily off to the garage I knew full well there would be no spool of wire on the workbench. (The Man's workbench looks worse than the attic, cellar and 3 garages all combined. Put plainly, it's a MESS !! )
Out in the garage I looked on the work bench, in the 3 large cabinets, on the walls and floor and any other place I could think that a spool of wire would have been thrown.. NO wire. With that the 2 boys showed up, (sent by The Man, I'm sure, to help the "stupid woman".). Now 3 of us couldn't find the wire. Next thing we knew The Man arrived on his mower ready to help all three of us idiots. As The Man sat in the doorway of the garage he started telling us to look "THERE". No pointing to give us a clue, just "there!". all 3 of us tried to narrow down where we were supposed to be looking but after ten minutes we all agreed there was NO WIRE! (Had it been discussed I think we also would have agreed that The Man was an idiot!)
That was when The Man decided the wire must be in the OTHER garage. WE all moved next door and continued our game of "look and seek" with no better luck of finding where "THERE" was. Thankfully one of the boys found something that would suffice and the hunt was over.
The mattress spring is all ready to go but I would bet my life savings that The Man will NOT get on his tractor to smooth the driveway any time before we leave here for Florida. Anyone care to take that bet with me?
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