Life is great, if you stop to look and listen. As I sit here this morning there is a mocking bird out side somewhere in the greenery around the patio and he is singing his little heart out. We have several mocking birds and every day I enjoy their joyful songs. They sing to me and even answer me when I am outside. I can whistle to them and they sing back. This little one is just chirping away singing about some thing that I can't even imagine. I wish you could see and hear him.
Yesterday afternoon Ger and I went to 4:30 mass for the weekend. It is our "Sunday" mass that we prefer, rather than getting up and dressed and out the door on Sunday morning, Saturday mass is our favorite. (Only the Catholics can justify celebrating Sunday mass on Saturday! ? ) As usual, the readings and the homily were addressed directly to ME. (This happens almost all the time.) The readings this weekend are all about our responsibility to keep others on the "right" track. I translated this to mean that I need to be more vocal with my 2 younger children in encouraging them to return to the Catholic Church. Just a word here and there, just a nudge once in a while. I understand Keri, she wants her family to have a religion that they can practice together but I see her missing her Catholic faith. Maybe some day she will start going back to mass on her own just to reconnect or maybe her husband will see how important it is to her to practice her faith. I'll just keep praying on that one. Kent is another story. He is not attending any church and his wife has no history of religion in her life. Kent is not one to take the initiative so I don't know what will happen there. Again, prayer is my answer but maybe God does need me to speak up and give Him a hand.
So as I was thinking all these things I some how got to thinking about what a wild ride life is. I'm still learning so much every day and I hope God gives me more time to keep learning. In thinking of "Wild Ride" my experience with white water rafting popped into my head and I had an epiphay of what I was doing when I traumatized my oldest son on that fateful trip. It was a Girl Scout adventure with a bus load of teen age girls and their families. Kent wanted NO part of it so he was left at home in NY with someone and the rest of the family, H included, set off on a bus ride to the wilds of Pennsylvania. Who knew that in the spring the rivers rose and the rapids were HUGE ! (thus the term WHITE WATER!) Being the dope that I can often be I thought this would be great! Until I found myself in the raft with some strangers, Husband, my 13 year old daughter and my 16 year old son. Kyle, being the strongest and most able was assigned the position at the back of the raft where he had to steer us around rocks, rapids, water falls and fallen logs. Thinking back on it no wonder the boy was traumatized even without his mother screaming at him to "go left, go right!" I was fine until I fell out of the raft about 3 minutes into the ride. I think it was Kyle who got me back in the raft but I really can't remember anything other than "Don't put your feet down" and "Don't let go" and the thoughts of "Oh Shit, I'm going to die!". Once I was back in the raft I was scared out of my wits for the remaining 2 hours which is no excuse to traumatize my son but in my defense I was not in a rational state of mind. (PS, this was all before I discovered the power of pills and therapy so I was quite the emotional mess.) Poor Kyle still goes sheet white if you mention white water rafting and he will still refuse to talk about that trip. It seems that I spent 2 hours screaming his name over and over, throwing orders at him to basically SAVE US! This is sort of what I do on a daily basis with God. As I thought more and more about this horrific experience I realized that Kyle was my savior and salvation on that raft. I knew he was capable of saving me, I knew he was in the position to save me and I knew he had the strength to save me. (Ger wasn't even a consideration as my savior because I have found over the years that he is less that useless in crisis. No offense meant, just stating fact. H saved me when he asked me out on our first date and then married me.) So what else would I do but call his name over and over asking for help. I don't think Kyle realized all that at the time and I sure don't blame him for his reaction to me. It is a wonder to me that he still wants to see me on occasion.
I just found all this so amazing that sitting there in church I realized what I had done that day on a raft in a river in PA. And how, unlike my poor son, God doesn't get disgusted with me and he doesn't become traumatized by my constant screaming, (Most of that is done inside my head but it is screaming none the less.) I think Kyle has finally forgiven me for his horrible experience with white water rafting and I know that God ALWAYS forgives me for everything stupid that I do.
THANK GOODNESS FOR FORGIVENESS.
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