KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK !

Hello?   Is that you Death, knocking on my door ?  You know this isn't a good time for us. We just had these twins join our family and we really would like them to get to know their grand pa. And then there's the other grand kids who really haven't had time to spend with the old boy, we would like some more time.  How about you come back in, oh say, ten years, maybe like a Tuesday, around 3 AM. ? Hum? Could we work that out ?

It just don't work that way, does it? We just never know when it's our turn. As we're going along worrying about paying the bills, getting the car washed, cooking dinner were not thinking that maybe, just maybe this could be the last time we do this. Death just doesn't exist for us until a close friend or relative dies. Then it's first and foremost in our lives until we have to move on to paying our taxes, painting the house, fixing that leak in the toilet. But one of the days it will become your life, your reality, your every waking thought. One day it's you who is "A guy someone knows who has lung cancer . . . " and people are sad, and they talk about it and they wonder what it's like to know you are dying but they will never know until it's their turn. Some of us may be spared this experience when that bus hits us as we step off the curb or we develop dementia and no longer think about things like death.  Some of us won't have time to ponder and wonder but the rest of us will take a long road  wandering through all sorts of thoughts and emotions. But no matter what the process is you can be sure you WILL get to experience this particular journey. There's no way out of this one folks so you might as well make the best of it. I figure we have 3 choices, run, fight, accept. Pick what ever works for you but the end result is going to be the same no matter how you handle it.
And then we have Ger! I have no idea what is going on inside his head.  Maybe chemo brain has fried enough brain cells that he is just living day to day not really thinking anything. That would be my guess. There is no discussion, no questions, no upset, just eating and sleeping, living the life he has left.  He probably figures his idiot wife will do enough examining, questioning, analyzing to take care of both of us. I do suppose this is a lot easier than if I were married to a lunatic who ran around the house screaming, "I don't want to die!" But it would be nice to have some discussion on the topic.
What ever, it's his show and I'm just hanging around to make it as easy as possible. I've spent enough years pissing and moaning about I this man, the least I can do is let hm die in peace.