Since Husband passed away almost a month ago I have had no reason to blog. Blogging was my vent for all the frustration that H caused me. He was just being himself and I was being my self and never the roads shall meet. At least that's how it felt at times. When things got particularly crazy in my head I would turn to the computer, spew all my insanity on to the page and go on with my life. Leaving you all wondering what was wrong with me!
And then Husband died ! No more confrontation in my life, no more anxiety, no more stress. Seriously. I am so at peace that I have nothing to write about!
Until today . . .
I have projects that are just waiting for me to get to them. A life time of things I have put off in order to entertain H, travel, cook, clean, laundry, shop etc. Now it's just me and if I don't feel like eating, I DON'T ! If the laundry has to wait for a week, who cares ! I have straightened up the house but if those dust bunnies want to play under my bed, have at it ! Now it is MY time to do what I want when I want. And that's exactly what I am doing. Out a lot, puttering a lot, watching movies, playing on the computer. But there are those "projects" sitting silently waiting for my attention. Today I decided to attack my closet. Does anyone ever see my closet ? NO. Does it matter if all my shoes are neatly in a row? NO. But it is bugging me! I WANT to get in there and tear out EVERYTHING, sort through the "fits" and "doesn't fit" clothes, purge myself of shoes I haven't worn in years and toss out junk ! First on the agenda was to rid myself of Ger's shoes and mine. My church has a wonderful ministry to care for the homeless. They feed them every Monday and collect clothing to distribute. Kaelin, Finn, Keri and I took bags of Ger's clothes to the church right after G died but there is still a bunch of stuff here. No one here wants their dad's shoes so I got a big cardboard box and started pulling out shoes. THE MAN HAD MORE SHOES THAN ME !! Who knew ??? Shoes stuffed in, under, around the closet totaling 11 pairs of shoes and sneakers! There should be some happy folks in West Palm Beach next week! (I only contributed 2 pair of shoes.) So now the shoes are gone and I can get rid of the shoe shelves that we had bought and placed in under the clothes. 4 shoe shelves moved out of the closet makes my closet look a hundred times bigger. But in back of the shelves are brackets screwed into the wall. Now I want to get rid of the brackets! Out to the garage I go knowing full well this is not a good idea. (The garage being the MAJOR project in my life that may take me the rest of my life to do.) I need a screw driver to get these brackets off the wall. I have bought Husband several electric screw drivers over our many years of marriage but I don't think he has ever used any of them. But now I want one . . .where to look, where to look. The logical place is the tool cabinets, (which I also bought for H with hopes he would organize the tools. HA HA HA HA HA !) An hour later I had organized the top drawer, wall containers and found 2 electric screw drivers, both of which were D E A D !! Naturally ! I picked up the small one only to find it was disgustingly sticky! The rubber, (plastic?) handle had weathered with the humidity and broken down to a horrid sticky mess. Luckily I knew where the "goo gone" was and was able to clean it up in a jiffy. Then I found the power pack, (once again something I had put away long ago for just such an occasion.) and plugged the thing in. That's when the smoke started billowing out of it . . . As I suspected it was only the goo gone heating up so once I wiped it down again it did stop smoking. (But just in case I put the screw driver in a metal pan in the middle of the floor in the event it was going to blow up or catch fire.)
Now it is 4 hours since I first started the simple task of taking shoes out of the closet. They are still in the box in the closet and I am too tired to do much else. And besides, it was a good opportunity to get back to blogging. No wonder I have projects !!
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