BITE ME !!!

Apparently as soon as I crossed the border into the state of Michigan some one painted a sign on my head, back, arms, legs, feet and other parts of my body that will not be listed here. This neon, flashing sign must say, "BITE ME!" because since I have arrived here I have become the deluxe buffet, (better than the one at all you can eat Chinese place),  for the entire mosquito population of this state.

Which is really pretty funny since I live in Florida and one of the first things anyone says to you when you tell them you are from the Sunshine state is, (and this is always said with a look of horror on their faces), "OH MY GOD, HOW DO YOU STAND THE BUGS?" If you knew anything about Florida you would know that all the bugs are DEAD because it is so freaking hot !

I have lived in Southern Florida for over 15 years and not ONCE have I been bitten by a mosquito. Honest . . .  Not one mosquito bite in 15 years.  And that includes trips into the Everglades.  If ever you would be eaten alive by mosquitos it is in the Everglades but in all my visits there I have yet to be bitten. (There is a much greater likelihood that you will be strangled by a Burmese Python or eaten by an alligator than getting bitten by a bug.)  I do remember camping in Florida with my family when my kids were little and there were LOTS of mosquitos all over the entire state but for whatever reason the population of these blood suckers has dwindled over the past 40 years. I guess the tourist trade has a lot to do with the periodic spraying for these annoying pests, the mosquitos that is, not the tourists, although that would probably be a GREAT idea too.

MICHIGAN on the other hand has not discovered the use of poisonous insecticides. I really don't care that the chemicals in insect spray can cause cancer in rats. The rats aren't being eaten alive by the damn bugs and anyway, who needs rats. I AM the one who has about 50 itchy bumps all over my body, in some of the most insane places. How the HELL did a mosquito get into my shoe, never mind my underwear. I swear to you I have never had so many mosquito bites in my life. You open the car door and fifty thousand little bastards swarm into the car and have a feast as you are trying to slap them while driving. The theory of "open the windows so they fly out" is a total waste of time because as soon as you open the. window the mosquitos who are already IN the car start calling their friends off the side of the side of the road and you end up with twice as many flying carnivores.

All this is bad enough without  having The Man look at me in total bewilderment as if I am a crazy person swatting at the air and cursing like a lunatic. It seems that mosquitos do NOT care for the blood of Mr. Man. I think he is just too skinny for them so they just head right for the big juicy feast that is me.