HEADLESS CHICKEN

When did I loose my brains ????  Ever since Ger died I have been running in circles and am so UNfocused I can't even find myself.  BUT . . . I no longer am stressed about it because my screwiness effects no one but me. I am no longer responsible for keeping Ger afloat so all the pressure is off.  I can't tell you the last time I had a "break down" or "burn out". When I screw up now I just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh Well" and move on to correcting my errors.  I am not feeling guilty for messing up nor am I worried that I will upset anyone. It's only me who has to live with my nonsense so it's OK !

But I am wondering how I got SO busy so fast ?  I took a day off today to collect my wits. (They are scattered from here to kingdom come and back.)   I have papers everywhere and lists to find my lists. There are notes in my shoes to remind me to do something and notes on the bathroom mirror to remind me to put on my shoes.  I think I am out of control !  Today I have taken stock of the calendar and I need to  make some adjustments to it. The fact that I could be out and about 7 days a week panics me because I DO love my alone time, even though I know I have a tendency to lean toward being a hermit. Thank You God for putting all these wonderful people in my life to get me out of the house and interacting with the world. But could we just slow down a little ?

I am now "booking" dates with friends two months down the road. I am planning things for AUGUST for goodness sake.  That is insane !  How is it possible I never knew I had all these people in my life when Ger was around. OH YEA, I remember . . . Ger was my focus. The poor guy wouldn't do anything without me. But it also was kind of nice having Ger as my excuse for not doing so much. Now there is no reason why I can't go and do 24/7 except for the fact that I don't want to.
Don't get me wrong, I"m having a great time reinventing myself but taking stock today has made me realize I do need to slow down.  I need to get back to breathing and real relaxation.  I haven't been to the beach or sat by my own pool with a good book in oh so long.  I think I am ready to enter the next stage of being alone and take some quiet time to figure out just where I am in this whole process.
So if I don't answer the phone or return your email just hang on till I make it through some down time. The calendar is as full as I want it to be, my brain needs to turn off for a while. My chicken legs are stopping for a few till I regroup. If you're looking for me I'll be in the pool meditating !