SLOWER THAN SLOW

If you think I am talking about myself you are wrong. I am a marathon runner compared to the speed of the internet up here in Northern Michigan. It is slower than molasses in Michigan in January.  If I had to live up here for any length of time I undoubtedly would shoot myself or move into Mac Donalds permanently just for their WIFI . I can't even use Starbucks because the closest one is about 60 miles away.  Talk about being out in the country !!

I do love visiting up here but every time I come I am reminded that I am a New Yorker at heart and basically want things done in hyper speed not at the speed of a three legged turtle on Zanax. It is impossible not to get frustrated that it takes 20 minutes to down load my mail and 40 minutes to read through it because every time there is a change of screen it all has to start over from the beginning.  I am used to tapping a key and INSTANTLY seeing the next screen. Up here I can take a 30 minute nap end not miss a thing.

And that isn't even mentioning the fact that the computer/phone first has to spend an hour searching for a signal.  Freaking shoot me now !!!!!!

I have no idea if once this blog is written it will ever see the light of day. I may get to the end of this, hit the "publish" button and find this still here two days from now.  None of this bothers Dwayne because he does not use his computer and does not have an I phone.  The man still has the phone that was one step up from a flip phone. His is the type that has a little key board that slides out from under the phone. It takes him 2 hours to text "O.K." in response to any messages he receives. And speaking of messages, the man has 96 messages sitting in his phone. I offered to delete them for him yesterday and it was as if I had suggested I murder his first born child. What the hell is it with men and cell phones ?? God forbid you delete anything. As if that 8 month old text from the drug store saying his prescription is ready really needs to remain in the phone.  I don't get it !

And if I may continue with my complaints of life is the northern regions of the country. . . .  Could some one please find a way to get the water back to normal.  It seems that well water is NOT as wonderful as you would think.  It has a funky sulphur smell to it and when I take a shower I never feel like I have gotten all the soap off because my skin feels "slimy". I have read all sorts of information on this phenomenon and supposedly this water is GOOD because it doesn't strip all the oils off your skin and this slimy feeling is actually a good thing. Well let me tell you that after 74 years of bathing in "normal" water that makes me feel squeaky clean this stuff just makes me feel like I need to keep rinsing and rinsing till I get all the soap off. But that creates another problem. The more water that I am using to wash, .the quicker the septic tank is filling up. Who the hell has septic tanks in this day and age?

I really don't think I am cut out for this country living after all. And I am now about to embark on a new adventure where I will be living in an RV for the next month.  What was I thinking ????