I am too old for this . . . As loyal friends and family what the hell were you all thinking when I told you I was driving to Alaska in an RV ????? Did none of you say, "ARE YOU CRAZY!!??" or perhaps you could have delicately mentioned that camping as a 34 year old is MUCH different than camping as a 74 year old ! I know I would not have listened but at least you could have provided me with food for thought.
Now here I am a couple of thousand miles away from home and ready to jump a freight train just to get out of here. (And by the way, I have seen more freight trains in the past 2 days than I have seen all my life. It seems that train is the major form of transporting goods up in the wilds of northern US and Canada.)
As for the whole RV experiment / experience let me just say DON'T DO IT !! I am way over this shit of cooking on a one burner stove, freezing my ass off all night, being attacked by killer flies, and tracking across a field to get to the bathroom, even though there IS a bathroom in the RV.
Wait, I think I have just figured out the problem with this camping shit . . . I am not doing it ALONE! Once again my companion is a man and we all know how that can screw up any experience. If I were alone with this neat little RV I would travel a couple of hours, stopping here and there to see all sorts of interesting stuff, (like the worlds biggest glob of ear wax). I would stop at a campground early in the afternoon, get the entire package of hook-ups, (sewer, water and electric), connect everything to the RV, grab a drink, sit in my travel lawn chair and enjoy a good book. Sounds pretty good right? But I am not alone ! THE MAN is in charge, as all men feel the need to be, and although we have a FULL bathroom with toilet, sink and shower, heat AND AC, comfortable fold out beds and all the time in the world, we are racing down the road to hell at a record rate of speed. Only stopping for gas and to sleep at night. I am making sandwiches in the back of the RV as we hurl down that highway to hell. Carry all the food up to the front seats where I have smashed my forehead EVERY time as I try to maneuver around the 3 (YES THREE) oxygen machines that are all sitting behind the driver's seat. (I get it, really I do. If I couldn't breathe I would most defiantly want back ups but must they ALL be stacked up in the same place where I get to fall over them ALL the time?)
When we stop for the night it gets even more interesting because we are only paying for electric hook up. (Sewer and water take too much TIME to connect and one of us doesn't want to be bothered, SO when I have to pee and want to take I shower I walk to the bath house. Now, this is the man that bought the RV because it would be soooooooo much easier for him to have the toilet and shower right there in the RV so he doesn't have to walk far. (He is really in rough shape when it comes to walking any distance.)
Last night it got so cold but Mr. Stubborn took all his crap and one of the oxygen machines and went to the showers. By the time he came back he was exhausted AND freezing AND had dropped his dirty underwear and shirt on the floor of the mens shower. Guess who had to go back and get them for him? I finally got to shower and came back to the RV to freeze because we can only use the little tiny space heater and NOT the heater in the camper that runs off propane gas. Don't ask me why he bought this RV if we aren't taking full advantage of its features.
But I had my revenge last night. I woke up at 10:30, (we had gone to bed at 8:30) and I was so sick to my stomach. I knew I wouldn't make it to the bath house so I used the RV toilet for what God and man intended a toilet to be used for. I was damned it I cared that I was filling up our septic tank and not only that but I will laugh my fool head off when you know who has to empty the damn thing.
I was up all night every hour on the hour and freezing freezing freezing. I had put on my heavy hoodie and sweat pants with wool socks and I was still cold. Finally at 5 AM this morning the man decided to give the propane heater a try for my sake and it was FABULOUS.
It isn't Dwayne, it is ALL men. They have grandiose ideas but when you get down to it they just dip shit though life until we whop them upside their heads !
I see a BIG whooping in Dwayne's future !!
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