BOOM !!!!!!!!

Every so often we, / you / I / someone near and dear to us, does something SO incredibly stupid that we can't help but wonder what the Hell were we thinking, or WHY did I think I could do that. Even the most intelligent of people have their moments and only through the grace of God and our Guardian Angels do we survive our own stupidity.

Case in point . . . We ALL know you do NOT stand near an open flame when you have Oxygen anywhere near you. How many times have we laughed at the patients standing in their hospital night gowns outside the hospital entrance with their oxygen hose in their noses while having a cigarette. I know it is one of my favorite "Oxymoron" moments. (I love that word! It is so descriptive.)
But even the smartest of folks never think "That could happen to ME!" (What ever "that" happens to be.) But guess what . . .  you only get so many Free "dumb ass" moments in your life and then, BOOM!

Out in the country here in Michigan the trash is only picked two times a month. For someone like me who tends to generate an amazing amount of trash because I am always throwing something away two times a month is just not enough. In a two week period I can accumulate enough trash to fill a 3 ton dumpster. So rather than having all this trash pile up out by the garbage can at the end of the driveway The Man chooses to burn his trash. He burns EVERYTHING except for magazines because according to The Man, "Magazines do NOT burn".  Probably because of this belief and the fact that NOTHING gets thrown away around here unless I can sneak it into the "burn bag" there are TONS of magazines in the parlor. Granted most of them are craft magazines that belonged to Dwayne's wife and he seems to believe there are people out there who would love to have them but he will not part with them even to give them away.

Because everything gets burned, (yes even plastic, especially plastic) There is always a "burn bag" hanging in the kitchen just waiting for the almost daily bonfire. The ritual is for Mr. Man to gather all the burn bags, bring them outside to the fire pit and light them on fire. ALL THE WHILE WEARING HIS OXYGEN HOSE which is pumping a constant flow of 2 liters per what ever.  The point being he has oxygen flowing into his nose as he sets fire to the trash. I did question the sanity of this way back when I first witnessed this ritual and was told, basically, "shut up and mind your own business". I have since shut up and now stand well out of range of  possible explosions. Up till now there has not been a problem but there is ALWAYS a first time for everything.

Todays burning was a big one because two days ago we received a couple of deliveries from Amazon. (Yes, UPS delivers to the U.P.!) One package was a curtain rod for the RV shower. Small item, large box. Another item was a pillow which came in a box that a pregnant hippo could have fit in.  With 2 very large boxes Smokey the Bear was just itching to get the fire going. I suggested, foolishly and pointlessly, that we break up the boxes but that idea was met with the same reaction as if I suggested we grow wings and fly.  The fire got going and the boxes were thrown on top as the Man Sat about 8 feet away watching to make sure I was doing this correctly. (His exact words were, "Just throw them on top".) The next thing I knew D was yelling "step on it, Step on it!!!"
I had NO idea what I was supposed to be stepping on and the fact that I had bare feet had me standing there like a dope wondering what the hell he was yelling about. I finally realized the yelling was accompanied by pointing in the general direction of the house where I saw his oxygen hose ON FIRE! Now I have my stupid moments but no way in hell am I stepping on a fire in my bare feet. The hose is now sizzling and crackling and I'm trying to figure out how to stop the flame that is now burning along the hose like the wick in a piece of dynamite. The hose is rapidly melting and the flame is advancing toward the house where the oxygen tank is sitting just inside the door. I will admit I was totally torn between yelling, "F... YOU", and making a run for the woods or doing something to stop this disaster in the making. By now the man is yelling at me to "break the connection" between two sections of hose, which was exactly the right thing to do. I pulled the hose apart and sure enough the fire went out. (Supposedly the "connector" is like a safety valve that would automatically stop a fire but we were not inclined to test this out.)

What happened was that when the large boxes ignited the burst of flame caused a bunch of burning ashes to billow up and across the yard. One of those pieces of hot ash landed on the oxygen hose and was hot enough to set the hose on fire. Thus the reason to NEVER - EVER stand near a fire while wearing an oxygen hose. DUH !!!!

And The Man's reaction ? . . .  " Huh, I never thought that could happen!"